Biden to Do Remaining Debates by Mail

One day after the most chaotic Presidential debate in U.S. history, Joe Biden said that he would participate in the remaining two debates by mail. Campaigning in Pittsburgh, Biden said that he would be happy to answer a series of debate questions and mail his responses to the appropriate venues.

 “The moderator can read my answers aloud and then Trump can howl like a damn hyena, for all I care,” Biden said. “The idea that I would spend another ninety minutes of my life listening to that clown—c’mon, man. Life is too short for this horseshit.” 

 At the White House, Donald J. Trump vehemently opposed Biden’s proposal, claiming that debating by mail was “totally rigged” and rife with fraud. “If Joe sends in his answers by mail, what’s to keep a mailman from opening the envelope and writing in better answers?” Trump said. 

“This exact thing has happened millions of times.”

 The Borowitz Report