Thursday, May 31, 2007

Arctic alarm

A burglar is sneaking through this house one night, when out of the darkness comes a voice, "I can see you, and so can Jesus".
The burglar freezes in his tracks and is too frightened to move. After ten minutes, nothing has happened so he moves forward. Again from the darkness comes the voice, "I can see you, and so can Jesus". The burglar is petrified and too frightened to move a muscle. After thirty minutes, he decides to do something. He backs very slowly and tentatively to the wall and feels around for a light switch. He switches on the light and there in front of him, sit a cockatoo in a cage, who says, "I can see you, and so can Jesus".
Greatly relieved, the burglar sighs, "It's just a cocky". The cocky looks at the burglar and says, "I might be just a cocky but Jesus is a big German Shepherd".

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

This Love
This loveSo violentSo fragileSo tenderSo hopelessThis loveBeautiful as the dayAnd bad as the weatherWhen the weather is badThis love so trueThis love so beautifulSo happySo joyousAnd so patheticTrembling with fear like a child in the darkAnd so sure of itselfLike a tranquil man in the middle of the nightThis love that made others afraidThat made them speakThat made them go paleThis love intently watchedBecause we intently watch itRun down hurt trampled finished denied forgottenBecause we ran it down hurt it trampledit finished it denied it forgot itThis whole entire loveStill so livelyAnd so sunnyIt's yoursIt's mineThat which has beenThis always new thingAnd which hasn't changedAs true as a plantAs trembling as a birdAs warm as live as summerWe can both of usCome and goWe can forgetAnd then go back to sleepWake up suffer grow oldGo back to sleep againAwake smile and laughAnd feel youngerOur love stays thereStubborn as an assLively as desireCruel as memoryFoolish as regretsTender as remembranceCold as marbleBeautiful as dayFragile as a childIt watches us, smiling
And it speaks to us without saying a wordAnd me I listen to it, tremblingAnd I cry outI cry out for youI cry out for meI beg youFor you for me for all who love each otherAnd who loved each otherYes I cry out to itFor you for me and for all the othersThat I don't knowStay thereThere where you areThere where you were in the pastStay thereDon't moveDon't go awayWe who loved each otherWe've forgotten youDon't forget usWe had only you on the earthDon't let us become coldAlways so much farther awayAnd anywhereGive us a sign of lifeMuch later on a dark nightIn the forest of memoryAppear suddenlyHold your hand out to usAnd save us
Jacques Prevert
For my husband and 20 years of our marriage.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer...

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep'a scrollin'...

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

Monday, May 28, 2007

During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking. One said to the other..."The thing

I hate about obedience school is you learn ALL this stuff you will never use in the real world.

"Some days you're the dog;some days you're the hydrant."

Sunday, May 27, 2007

I'm still awake and waiting my son. He is in club with friends.Zagreb can be dangerous by night like every big city and I'm concerned.At last he is in home.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Real users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
Real users never know what they want, but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.
Real users never use the Help key.
Real users never stop asking new options.
Real users never know what to do with new options.

Friday, May 25, 2007

What makes a river so restful to people is that it doesn't have any doubt - it is sure to get where it is going, and it doesn't want to go anywhere else. Hal Boyle

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Stupid wives

Two guys are chatting in a bar, complaining about their wives. "My wife is really stupid," says the first guy. "Last week she bought a brand-new car, and she doesn't even know how to drive.""That's nothing," says the second guy. "Last week I found a bunch of condoms in my wife's purse, and she doesn't even have a penis !"

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that.

Lauren Bacall

Smart Dog

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

These days I'm looking for a female puppy Yorkie.

It's very hard work but I hope it'll be successful.

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Sunday, May 20, 2007

I,m ex smoker and very proud after that.

windy day

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Friday, May 18, 2007

Oh,the pity of old age.

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, "I have a 22 year old wife at home. She makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon." I said, "Well, why are you crying?" He said, "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" He said, "I can't remember where I live!"


Karl and Milly were lying in bed one night. Carl was falling asleep but Milly was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily Karl reached across, held her hand for a second, and rolled over to try to fall asleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he leaned across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled back down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my damn teeth," he replied.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

I have a 3,5 y.old yorkie.He is very sensitive and I must be careful with his food.
What is your experience?

Norah Jones film opens at Cannes

The Cannes Film Festival celebrated its 60th edition,I hope with good movies.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

im in ur kitchen stealing ur chickenz

Monday, May 14, 2007

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist,

"You are far too upset and worried about your son.

I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"

"Yes," the boy's mother answered."And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.

"Who cares?" the mother replied.

good attitude before summer holidays

Saturday, May 12, 2007

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
A fast word about oral contraception.
I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Woody Allen

Friday, May 11, 2007

I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.--Wendy Liebman

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I Want to Buy That

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

The Day Paris Died and Went to the Art Gallery

"Paris Hilton Autopsy"
Daniel Edwards
I really hate P.H.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree

that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

Jay Leno
What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?
If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my mother," he will ask "Why do you say that?"
while a psychologist will say "Thank you for sharing that with us."

What happens when a psychiatrist and a hooker spend the night together?

In the morning each of them says: "120 dollars, please."

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.
Sigmund Freud (date of birth : may 6 1856)

A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose dog is smarter"My dog is so smart," says the first owner, "That every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee.""I know", says the second owner."How do you Know?""My dog told me."

finally sunshine