Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Greatest Prank Call Ever

Monkeys by Trey Ratcliff

link for more excellent photos

Monkey & Lizard

"A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past, looks up, and says to the monkey 'Hey, what're you doing?' The monkey replies, 'Smokin' a joint, come up and have some.' So the lizard climbs up the tree, sits next to the monkey, and they smoke a few joints.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to the river
to get a drink.

The lizard climbs down the tree and staggers over to the river to get a drink
of water, but he is so stoned, he leans over too far and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this, swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side. Then he asks the lizard, 'What's the matter with you?' The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up in a tree with a monkey smoking pot, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out, and wanders off into the jungle.

He finds the tree where the monkey is sitting finishing up a joint. The
crocodile yells up to the monkey and says 'Hey!'

The monkey looks down and says, .......
'Dude! How much water did you drink?!'"

Icelandic Horse by Trey Ratcliff


My friend is a blonde

"There is a blonde and a brunette. They share their ranch and have lots of female cows. One day, they decide to get a male for breeding to their female cows. So the brunette went down to texas with her life savings of $200 to buy a male cow. She searched up and down and all around and finally found a man that would sell her a cow for $199. Very excited, she bought the cow right away. She then went to the telegram office to send the blonde a telegram to tell her to bring the trailer so they could take the cow back home. She says 'Sir, i need a telegram' 'What will it say mam?' 'I found a male cow. Bring the trailer.' 'Ok mam, that will be $7. One dollar a word' The brunette only had one dollar left so she said 'Oh, sorry. I need to change the telegram.' 'Ok what does it need to say' 'Comfortable.' 'Umm mam, it's none of my businessm but i don't think she will understand that, you know that right?' 'Well, you see, my friend is a blonde and she reads REALLY slow. When she gets the telegram, she will read it like this:

The worst album covers ever created

The Worst Album Cover Ever Created? Maybe not,click on link for more.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Looking out of the window

from Jokes & Stuff


Hmmm,something is very interesting on Orlando's statue.

Hep Cat

"Stop goggling, I'm the original hep cat"

Cabbage the pathetic puppy who was mutilated by dog-fighting thugs

Cabbage the puppy was left bleeding and abandoned in a Brent park after attackers hacked off parts of her ears and tail"

"This boxer cross was only eight weeks old when she was mutilated by thugs involved in dog-fighting.
The attackers tried to hack off her ears and tail before abandoning the bleeding puppy in a Brent park.
Named Cabbage by her rescuers, her wounds were operated on by vets at the Mayhew Animal Home in Kensal Green who also reset her front legs, which were deformed by malnutrition.

The Airplane Ride

Bill and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year and every year Bill would say, 'Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane.'

Martha always replied, 'I know Bill, but that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars.'

One year Bill and Martha went to the fair and Bill said, 'Martha, I'm 81 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance.'

Martha replied, 'Bill, that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars.'

The pilot overheard them and said, 'Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 10 dollars.'

Bill and Martha agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't.'

Bill replied, 'Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but 10 dollars is 10 dollars.'"

Grandma's Game

"Over 60" Perspective

"Q: My wife is going through menopause. What can I do?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement or shed; when you are done you will have a place to live.
- - -
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
- - -

Q: Where can men or women over the age of 60 find young, sexy members of the opposite sex who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore -- under fiction.
- - -
Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?
A: The next time you're in front of a mirror, make sure you're not wearing your glasses.
- - -
Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
- - -
Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not the problem, retrieving it is the problem.
- - -
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually only in the afternoon.
- - -
Q: Where do 60+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?
A: Their foreheads.
- - -
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: 'Hey! I remember these!'
- - -
Q: What is a 60+ year old's most frequent thought when going from one room to another?
A: 'What did I come here for?'
- - -
Q: What is the most effective form of birth control for people 60 and over?
A: Nudity.


Gummy Bear Says Relax

The Toast

A man and a woman were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were totaled.

They climbed from the wreckage and the woman stood in awe. 'Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives,' she said.

'I agree with you completely, ma'am,' the man replied.

The woman stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. 'This bottle of wine wasn't even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship.'

'That's a great idea, miss,' the man answered taking the bottle from her. He popped the cork and drank his share.

'I'm sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?' the man asked.

'No, thanks,' said the woman. 'I'll just wait until the cops get here.'"

Monday, April 28, 2008

me so beautiful


French Kissing


Liver and Cheese..

"Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, 'The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.'

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, 'I love liver and cheese.'

'Oh, how childish,' said the Poodle, 'That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.'

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says 'How well can you do?'

'Um. I HATE liver and cheese,' blurts the Golden Retriever.

'My, my,' said the Poodle. 'I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence.'

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, 'How about you, little guy?'

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....

'Liver alone. Cheese mine.'"

Wearing Pampers

The Lamaze class

"The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
'Ladies, exercise is good for you,' announced the teacher. 'Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!'
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
'Yes?' asked the instructor.
'Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?'"

Thursday, April 24, 2008

A Long Weekend in Tisno

This is my favorite part of Tisno,where I'm going tomorrow
with my husband,
Obi and Niki.

So see you in Monday . I wish you all a good weekend.

Learner Driver Tears Off Bus Roof

"A learner bus driver turned this double decker into an open-top model after hitting a bridge."

The Happiest Day of His Life


"Husband, upon meeting ex- after two years of separation:
'Listen honey, why don't we have a few drinks, dinner, go to my apartment
and really make love?'
Ex-: 'Over my dead body!'
Husband: 'You haven't changed a bit'"

S Korea trains sniffer-dog clones

The cloned sniffer puppies have already shown their potential

The world's first cloned sniffer dogs have begun training in South Korea."

Baby Bear

No sex for all-girl fish species

Amazon Molly fish are all female

A fish species, which is all female, has survived for 70,000 years without reproducing sexually, experts believe."

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Dog cartoons by Mark Parisi

The geekiest pants… ever?

"Designer Erik De Nijs, has stitched together this eye catching pair of “Beauty and the Geek” jeans. These “modern shaped trousers which are often worn by youngsters..” are the perfect solution for Googling quick exits while running from the fashion police. Built into the knees are a pair of crotch rocking speakers, around the back you have the added convenience of a back pocket for your “mouse”, and for you gamers, there is a joystick controller located just behind the front zipper. there are additional pics

Plz !


Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Sez who ?

Earth from Space

“The earth is what we all have in common.”
Wendell Barry

Strange Earth Day Pics

link for more pics

Weight of the World



On 22 April, Earth Day will be celebrated worldwide for the 38th time.

The first ever celebration took place on 22 April 1970 as an event at universities and campuses across America. The idea to celebrate this Day was conceived by Senator Gaylord Nelson, who modelled it on the at the time very popular anti-war protests at American universities. More than 20 million people took part in that first mass demonstration for the environment, called a “national gathering for the environment”. A great public interest for environmental issues placed environmental protection firmly on the political agenda. Celebration of Earth Day became topical again twenty years later, in 1990, when 200 million people around the globe participated in Earth Day events. This global phenomenon became official in 1992, when numerous government representatives and NGOs participating in the Rio UN Conference on Environment and Development agreed on a long-term programme for promoting sustainable development.

In Croatia, Earth Day has been celebrated in an organised manner since 1990. Traditionally, it is marked by environmental NGOs in order to draw public attention to the importance of preserving the environment, while the Ministry of Environmental Protection, Physical Planning and Construction joins NGOs in the celebration by inviting all citizens of the Republic of Croatia to adopt environmentally friendly behaviour. Since 1999, the Ministry has been financially supporting NGO projects related to environmental issues, and this year 3 million kuna will be allocated from the 2008 State Budget for environmental projects.

The slogan of this year’s Earth Day is A Call for Climate!. One of today's major challenges is climate change and increase in greenhouse gas emissions. For that reason, in early March of this year, the Ministry participated in the environmental event „Ice Cube“ organised by National Geographic Croatia, the aim of which was to draw public attention to the issue of global warming. An ice cube weighing 3,375 tonnes was placed on Ban Jelačić Square, and its quick melting was a warning to the public that Croatia also, although a small country with a minor share in global warming, needs to be a responsible member of the global community.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Greetings from the Stage - Cute with Chris

Unconscious mind

Two psychoananysts

"Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building.
One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator
together at the end of an unbearable hot, sticky day. The younger man was
completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was
fresh as a daisy. 'I don't understand,' he marveled, 'how you can listen
to drooling patients from morning till night on a day like this and still
look so spry and unbothered when it's over.'
The older analyst said simply, 'Who listens?'"

Men at Work

S & M Style

"Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.

That night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stiletto's and mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend: The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cm stilettos and mask. He saw me he said: 'you are the woman of my life, I love you'...then we made love all night long.'

The mistress: Ah! me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat, when I opened the raincoat... he did not say anything.....but we made wild passionate love all night.

The married one: The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready: leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my husband comes back from work, opens the door and says: 'Hi Batman, what's for dinner?'


Albinism (from Latin albus, "white"; see extended etymology) is a form of hypopigmentary congenital disorder, characterized by a partial (in hypomelanism, also known as hypomelanosis) or total (amelanism or amelanosis) lack of melanin pigment in the eyes, skin and hair (or more rarely the eyes alone). Albinism results from inheritance of recessive alleles. The condition is known to affect mammals (including humans), fish, birds, reptiles, and amphibians. While the most common term for an organism affected by albinism is "albino" (noun and adjective), the word is sometimes used in derogatory ways towards people; more neutral terms are "albinistic" (adjective) and "person with albinism" (noun). Additional clinical adjectives sometimes used to refer to animals are "albinoid" and "albinic".

Friday, April 18, 2008

Oscar the featherless bird - ugly or cute?

Oscar the cockatoo has a disease called beacon feather which affects the immune system. This virus causes her to pull out her own feathers because of irritation but she still has feathers on her head because she can’t reach those. She may look like the ugliest bird but Oscar is well loved by the workers at Humane Society of Broward County because she is special.

No Cage Is Big Enough

laydeez room - Lol cats


Suck in Bed


Boob Job

"There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job, so she went to her doctor, Dr. Smith and questioned him about implants.

He explained that, before you do anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients.

Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say 'Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies.'

She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that they actually were getting bigger, she was very impressed.

One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed.

By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine.

So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says 'Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies'.

The man standing next to her says, 'You go to Dr. Smith?'

'Yes,' she said, 'how did you know?'

He replies 'Hickory dickory dock!'"

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Harley dog

Q: What did the Harley owner say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's yours?"


"Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea-cup?
I wouldn't know, sir. I'm a waiter, not a fortune-teller."

Real life Garfield

A two-and-a-half stone cat has been hailed a real life Garfield in Italy.

Orazio looks like not only the cat that got the cream but who ate the whole cow too.


Who says men dont do laundry

"Dear Tide,
I have always used your product ever since my college days, because mom says it was the best. One weekend about a month ago, I was at my girlfriend's place, wearing my new white shirt. Much to my chagrin, I spilled some red wine on my white shirt. She made a comment about my drinking problem, one thing lead to another, and soon I had her blood all over my not-so-nice white shirt. I tried washing it with her detergent, and it just didn't do the trick. So, on my way home, I stopped at the store and picked up a box of new Ultra Tide. It washed the stain so well that the DNA tests were entirely inconclusive! I can't praise your product enough. Thank you for saving my life! I must go now. I also have to send my praise to the makers of Hefty garbage bags...
Thanks again!
John Smith"



Doggie Bag

"Man's best friend may be his dog, but woman's constant companion is her handbag."

The Lucky Mother of Eight

"This fetching photo session features the happy mother of 8 adorable ferrets, that I can hardly recognise in the crowd. Ferrets are energetic, curios and can put a smile on your face in the rainiest day. If you’re looking for a pet for your home, ferrets might just be the ideal choice."

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Two Different Worlds

If South Park Ruled


Too Far

Male monkeys prefer boys' toys

"It's thought of as a sexual stereotype: boys tend to play with toy cars and diggers, while girls like dolls. But male monkeys, suggests research, are no different (see a related video report).
This could mean that males, whether human or monkey, have a biological predisposition to certain toys, says Kim Wallen, a psychologist at Yerkes National Primate Research Center in Atlanta, Georgia.
Wallen's team looked at 11 male and 23 female rhesus monkeys. In general the males preferred to play with wheeled toys, such as dumper trucks, over plush dolls, while female monkeys played with both kinds of toys.
This conclusion may upset those psychologists who insist that sex differences – for example the tendency of boys to favour toy soldiers and girls to prefer dolls – depend on social factors, not innate differences." link

Swim With The Polar Bears

"The polar bear is the largest land carnivore as well as one of the most ferocious. In the award winning Polar Bear Habitat and Heritage Village located the little town of Cochrane in Northern Ontario Canada, people can experience a once in a life time outdoor swim with polar bears. What separates the people from the beast are bulletproof and shatterproof glass that’s almost 9 centimetres wide, enough for protection against hostile actions from the polar bear. An experience to get up so close to these magnificent creatures would definitely entice enthusiastic for
3 more pics of swimming with the polar bears

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Safe and sound Chewbacca hound


In The Jar

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true.

I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk. "
Stephen King

Brave fighter pilot

"Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says: 'Pierre, kiss me!'
Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
'What are you doing, Pierre?' says the startled Marie.
'I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!'
She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, 'Pierre, kiss me lower.'
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her chest.
'Pierre! What are you doing?' asks the bewildered Marie.
'I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!'
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, 'Pierre, kiss me lower!'
Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He strikes a match and lights it on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, 'PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?'
Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, 'I am Pierre the fighter pilot! And when I go down, I go down in flames!'

7 Hilarious Budget Truck Ads 

"Budget came out with the most ingenious idea of putting hilarious moving tips on the sides of the moving trucks. Many advertisers stuggle to stand out; oftentimes, they blend it. Potential customers can watch one television commerical after another and all they hear is: BlahBlahBlah. However, Budget's viral advertising campaign really gets potential clients talking or laughing in a place where they have limited alternative forms of entertainment, the car.

Funny Graffiti and Signs From Around The World