How to carve the perfect Halloween pumpkin

We’ve all been there. Halloween is nearing, and you decide that it’d be fun to create a jack-o’-lantern with your children/flatmates/on your own with a bottle of wine. After all, how hard can it be?
 An hour later, your hands are cut and bleeding, the floor is covered in seeds, there's a pile of smelly pumpkin flesh you have no idea what to do with and your pumpkin looks like it’s been attacked by a mad surgeon.
 Here’s a step-by-step guide to creating a pumpkin lantern that you won't be embarrassed to put in your window.