Late Night Political Humor

“The United States has no choice but to attack Syria because Dictator Bashar al-Assad is killing his own people with chemical weapons. Before, he was just killing them with bullets. But if America cared about shooting people, we’d be invading Chicago.” – Stephen Colbert

 “I guess we’re getting ready to attack Syria. But if we win, in the semifinals we face Iran.” – David Letterman

 “Wow! America taking military action against a Middle East regime? It’s like I never left!” – Jon Stewart (on returning to The Daily Show after being away this summer)

 “Ah! See? The red line! You can’t use chemicals to kill your own people! You have to do it organically. America and the world want to make sure Assad only uses locally sourced free long range land ordinance.” – Jon Stewart

 “Oh right, we have to bomb Syria because we’re in 7th grade. And the red line that they crossed is actually dick-measuring ribbon.” – Jon Stewart

 “President Obama is trying to get congressional approval before we attack Syria. And if that works, there’s talk we might even consider bringing back the rest of the Constitution.” – Jay Leno

 “Syria’s President Assad referred to President Obama as weak. Obama is so angry he plans to ask Congress for permission to come up with a good comeback.” – Conan O’Brien

 “President Obama is pretty clever. Did you see what he is doing to get Congress to approve the attack? He told them Syrian President Assad supports Obamacare.” – Jay Leno

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