"I'm currently on another planet, namely Japan, which for the average westerner is an experience tantamount to recovering from a serious head injury, in that while the world around you is largely recognisable, it somehow makes little sense. Incredibly minor example: they sell green Kit Kats here (not the wrapper – I'm not that easily impressed – I mean the chocolate itself is green).Furthermore, just like someone struggling to reacquaint themselves with everyday life, you have to continually re-learn how to perform previously straightforward tasks such as going to the toilet. In Japan you either crap into a bluntly utilitarian hole in the ground (reverse squat-toilet style) or, increasingly, into one of their famous hi-tech Toto superbogs with a heated seat and a remote-controlled bum-washing jet.
The first toilet I encountered in Japan was so advanced it automatically lifted the seat itself the moment it sensed my approach, like it just couldn't wait for me to crap down its throat. It's disconcerting, defecating into a robot's mouth. In five years' time that toilet won't merely cock its lid when you enter the room, it'll be programmed to hum lullabies as it swallows your droppings. If the machines ever rise up and kill us, we'll only have our own smug sense of mastery to blame.
But I'm not in Japan to sit on toilets. "
Charlie Brooker / The Guardian / continue reading
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