"Want to read this article? Then enter your password." by Charlie Brooker

In this age of rampant identity theft, where it's just a matter of time before someone works out a way to steal your reflection in the mirror and use it to commit serial bigamy in an alternate dimension, we're told only a maniac would use the same password for everything. But passwords used to be for speakeasy owners or spies. Once upon a time, you weren't the sort of person who had to commit hundreds of passwords to memory. Now you are. Part of your identity's been stolen anyway.

In the meantime: you need a new password. One as individual as a snowflake. And as beautiful, too. Having demanded a brand new password from you for the 28th time this month, His Lordship Your Computer proceeds to snootily critique your efforts. Certain attempts he will disqualify immediately, without even passing judgment. Less than six letters? No numbers? Access denied. This is a complex parlour game, OK? There are rules. So start again. And this time: no recognisable words. No punctuation marks. No hesitation, deviation or repetition. Go.

Pass the qualifying round and it gets worse. Most modern password entrance exams grade each entry as you type, presenting you with an instant one-word review of your efforts. Suppose you glance around your desk and pick the first thing you set eyes on, such as a blue pen. You begrudgingly shove a number on the end, creating the password "bluepen1". You submit this offering to the Digital Emperor, and he derides it as "Weak".
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