• 2) Paddy Lennox - 'I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'.'
• 3) Sarah Millican - 'I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong.'
• 4) Zoe Lyons - 'I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West.'
• 5) Jack Whitehall - 'I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending.'"
• 6) Adam Hills - "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."
• 7) Marcus Brigstocke - "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"
• 8) Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."
• 9) Dan Antopolski - "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."
• 10) Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) - "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."
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