1. On an ocean crossing flight: “This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices...”
2. “Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.”
3. “Our sudden loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your flight a sight seeing expedition.”
4. “Goose! Bogey at 2 O'clock ... He's hot on our tail! ... Eject! Eject!”
5. As the plane turns around right after takeoff: “... uhhhhh ... We have to go back. ... We... We... uhhhhhh ...forgot something...”
6. “Ummmmmm ... Sorry everybody ...” (silence)
7. “To the passengers on the right-hand side of the plane, I'm sure you've noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.”
8. “Fasten your seat belts!” (Spoken in the same tone your friend with suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in a car.)
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