10. Assures viewers heavy downpour of spiders should end by midday
9. During weather report, finishes three cans of Pringles
8. Begins segment with 'A big shout-out to my main dude, Sam the Snowman'
7. How else do you explain seeing a Doppler 4000 in local pawn shop?
6. Segues to sports guy by saying, 'Now here's the narc'
5. Between 'Thun-' and '-der', a 3-minute pause while he stares into camera
4. Stands next to map of U.S., screams, 'Fear me, I'm a giant!'
3. Says, 'There are record highs in this area'; points to head
2. When he says, 'Expect 2 to 3 inches of snow,' it ain't no ski report
1. So stoned he doesn't know difference between nimbostratus clouds and stratocumulus clouds"