Halloween Jokes and one liners

"How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?

With scare spray..."

"What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer..."

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Wanted

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Egg Ghost

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Poor Rat

Poor rat gets stuck in the middle of the street, and some bad fellows took advantage of him, and take a photo. Soon after that, the same bad fellow set a bunch of stupid things on rat photo. And here it is, a poor rat gallery.

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Hillary Clinton’s birthday

" President Obama asked her what she wanted, she said, “Your job.”

Bill Clinton is planning a romantic candlelight dinner tonight. Then he’ll go home and see Hillary."
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PPPTTHHFHFHHTTTT!!

The Exterminator

"A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together, when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

'Quick,' said the woman to her lover, 'into the closet!' She bundled him in the closet stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' the husband asked the man.

'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.

'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.

'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.

'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards.'"

termites on the ark

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Circle of Life

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Chaperon

"A man has to leave the country on business and he entrusts with his best friend the job of keeping an eye on his wife.

He instructed if anything out of the ordinary should occur, he was to be notified immediately.

After about a week of no news the businessman received a telegram: 'The man who comes to visit your wife every night didn't show up yesterday...'"

Office Hours

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Cats also love to barbecue

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Paparazzi

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Personal Hygiene Product for Everyday Use

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Sculptures of elfin creatures made by Petra Werle

"The elfin sculptures are decorated using shells, moss, feathers, body parts of butterflies, scarab beetles, larkspur moths, spider cocoons and the diaphanous wings of iridescent bugs."
see here

Yoga Dogs

Relax, breathe in and hold it, stretch and stop that tail from wagging... these bendy pooches show off their athletic prowess by striking incredible poses for the 2010 Yoga Dogs calendar.

continue reading - Mail Online

If the Web Disappeared Today

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Is MySpace Passé?

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“Without music, life would be an error.” Friedrich Nietzsche

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Twin ducklings Romulus and Remus

If you're wondering why these cheeky chicks look so close, there's a good reason.

The pair are believed to be Britain's first recorded twin ducklings - hatched from the same egg.

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What sort of man spends 15 years building an oil rig from matches in his front room? (One with a VERY forgiving wife)

read here

Aldous Huxley Vs George Orwell

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excellent... bogus

AmyOops

Writer's Block

Phils Phun

Charlie Brooker -"How Racist Are You?"

Skin is rubbish. What is skin anyway? Just a stretchy bag for keeping yourself in. A badly designed bag at that: it gets torn too easily and breaks out in pimples at inopportune moments. The one good thing about skin is that it's available in different colours – and even that's a disadvantage, because a) you can't choose the colour yourself yet b) people judge you by it anyway, as though skin is directly attached to your soul by tiny cables and functions as a handy visual indicator of your overall human worth.
continue reading - The Guardian

"The greatest danger to our future is apathy."

 "• Chimpanzees have given me so much. The long hours spent with them in the forest have enriched my life beyond measure. What I have learned from them has shaped my understanding of human behavior, of our place in nature."

"Only if we understand can we care. Only if we care will we help. Only if we help shall they be saved."

" • I do not want to discuss evolution in such depth, however, only touch on it from my own perspective: from the moment when I stood on the Serengeti plains holding the fossilized bones of ancient creatures in my hands to the moment when, staring into the eyes of a chimpanzee, I saw a thinking, reasoning personality looking back. You may not believe in evolution, and that is all right. How we humans came to be the way we are is far less important than how we should act now to get out of the mess we have made for ourselves."

Jane Goodall Quotes

National Geographic Image Collection

"The golden touch of Jane Goodall. Republic of Congo, 1990"
more here