Schizophrenia

Sign on a psychologists office: Schizophrenics pay double.

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

What is the best thing about schizophrenia?
You're never alone.

What's the worst thing about schizophrenia?
Paying more than once for everything.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm schizophrenic
And I am too


A Man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He drinks the beer, than stands
on the bar, drops his pants and pisses all over the place.

The bar tender freaks out. "You dirty disgusting pig! How dare you come
into my bar and urinate! I'll beat the shit out of you..."

The man begins crying. "I'm sorry! Its ruining my life. I can't sleep. I
do it every time I have a drink! It's worrying me to death, please don't hit
me..."

The bar tender takes pity. "Look, I have a brother who is a psychiatrist,
here's his card, why don't you see him?"

The man hugs the bartender, shakes his hand and leaves with a thousand thank
yous...

Six months later, the man walks into the bar, and orders a drink.

The bartender says "OK, here you go... Wait! Weren't you that guy who..."

"Yes, And I went and saw your brother. He is fantastic, I am completely
cured."

"Well, that's great. This beer is on the house"

So the man drinks the beer, stands on the bar, drops his trousers and pisses
on the bar.

"You bastard! I thought you said you were cured!"

"I am! It doesn't bother me anymore..."