Mrs. Santa?

via

Nailed it

reddit

Astronauts pulled from space early to avoid clashing with summit

 "Russian cosmonaut Fyodor Yurchikhin, and two American astronauts, Shannon Walker and Douglas Wheelock, touched down safely on Thursday near the town of Arkalyk on the steppes of Kazakhstan, the former Soviet Republic that still hosts most of Russia's space programme.
The astronauts were originally scheduled to return on 30 November, but officials in Kazakhstan instructed Roscosmos, the Russian Space Agency, to keep Kazakh airspace clear for December 1 and 2, when the country is hosting a summit of the Organisation for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE)."
read more

Winged Bull

 "This may look like a creature from a Harry Potter movie - at first glance it looks like a bull has sprouted wings and is about to lift off. The amusing picture was snapped as the bull was chased by a crane, the tallest flying bird in the world. The sight was caught on camera at Keoladeo National Park, in Rajasthan, India, by photographer Jagdeep Rajput, who said people had compared it to Pegasus, the mythical winged horse."
Telegraph

5 Bucks

 "A man is walking around New York with his wife.
They find a perfume shop, the wife goes in, and he waits outside.
A hooker comes along and says to him, “Like to come home with me, buddy? “
“For how much?” asks the man.
“One hundred dollars,” the hooker answers.
“I’ll give you five bucks,” he replies.

The hooker swears at him and walks away.

A little later, the man’s wife comes out of the shop and they continue their walk.

As they round the corner, there stands the same hooker. She takes one look at the man and his wife and says, “HA!. see what you get for five bucks?”

Vegan Thanksgiving

Institute Director Forces Croatia to Alter Nuclear Waste Plan

The Croatian government this week backtracked on a controversial decision to store all of the country's low- and medium-level nuclear waste at a major research institute in the heart of its capital, Zagreb. The plan had been denounced by the director of the facility, the Ruđer Bošković Institute, and on Monday, Croatia's Ministry of Science, Education and Sport issued a statement saying the institute "was not an adequate place to store the waste permanently." But the ministry stills wants to store the nuclear waste at the Zagreb site for an indefinite period until a permanent storage site is readied.

A media campaign against storing the waste in the city started with an article in October by the business publication Poslovni Dnevnik, which revealed political pressure on Danica Ramljak, the institute's director, and her public refusal to sign a contract to accept the waste. The waste storage proposal, according to her, followed years of inaction on the issue. "Sorry, but I have no intention of putting my signature to this 'crap'... For six years no-one did anything to address this issue, and now, when the time is ticking away, I am supposed to sign so the waste can be stored at 'Ruđer'. I wouldn't dream of it," Ramljak, a medical researcher who previously worked at the U.S. National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland, and Georgetown University in Washington, D.C., told Jutarnji List in an article published Monday.
via ScienceInsider/read more

Being a turkey owner at this time of year means answering a lot of questions…

"Being a turkey owner at this time of year means answering a lot of questions that are preceded by looks of alarm and mild horror. “You…have… turkeys?” the standard set up goes. “Are…you…going… to…you know…eat them?”
I’m not going to eat them. My turkeys were an impulse buy—the kind of snap decision that, if I had still been living in the city, might have amounted to a pair of impractical fancy shoes, but here in the country more often yields a shrub I don’t have room for or a superfluous fowl. I never wanted a turkey. Unlike chickens—which I thought of as useful and amusing even before I had some—turkeys had no appeal for me. I was under the impression, as most people are, that they were fantastically, mindblowingly stupid. Their eggs have never had good press. Even though their feathers are beautiful and their posture so upright and serious that they look like barnyard barristers, turkey faces—fleshy and red with caruncles and wattles—are almost vulgar-looking; it’s hard to think of them as attractive.
But then I visited a friend who had Royal Palm turkeys—a heritage breed, too small to be raised commercially, almost extinct, and striking, with white feathers trimmed in black. Unlike megafarm turkeys, which have been engineered to have breasts so disproportionately huge that the birds can’t stand up when they’re full-grown, Royal Palms are athletic and lively and curious. They followed us around like puppies, and whenever they thought they were being addressed, they would chatter back (they do really say “gobble gobble,” by the way). It was hilarious and irresistible. When my friend hatched some of her flocks’ eggs, I took four of the babies, tossed them in with my chickens (they peacefully coexist but don’t mingle), and watched them grow and grow. Along the way, I’ve become a turkey apologist—I am always defending them when I’m asked about things like whether they’re so dumb they drown in the rain (apocryphal, as far as I know). No one believes me when I say they’re a delight.
I am having turkey for Thanksgiving, but not my turkeys. My four Toms (yes, all four of the poults I got from my friend turned out to be male) are not exactly pets, but I can’t think of another term that quite suits them. My husband calls them “landscape animals,” which is close, but still not right. Outdoor friends? Wards? Poultry associates? Or perhaps, at least at this time of year, Not Dinner."

Gobbled by Susan Orlean /The New Yorker

Sarah Palin: 'We've got to stand with our North Korean allies'

Interviewer: How would you handle a situation like the one that just developed in North Korea?

Palin: Well, North Korea, this is stemming from a greater problem, when we're all sitting around asking, 'Oh no, what are we going to do,' and we're not having a lot of faith that the White House is going to come out with a strong enough policy to sanction what it is that North Korea is going to do. So this speaks to a bigger picture that certainly scares me in terms of our national security policy. But obviously, we've got to stand with our North Korean allies – we're bound to by treaty....

Interviewer: South Korean.

Palin: Yes, and we're also bound by prudence to stand with our South Korean allies, yes.

via guardian.co.uk

Thanksgiving 2010: funny quotes about US holiday

“I love Thanksgiving turkey. It’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger, the former actor and Governor of California.

“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” - Kevin James, the actor.

“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” - George Bernard Shaw, the Irish playwright"

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighbourhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” – Jon Stewart, the television host and comedian

“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” – Irv Kupcinet, the newspaper columnist and broadcaster

“Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.” – Michael Dresser, the composer and writer.

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.” - Erma Bombeck, newspaper columnist.

“My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.” - Rita Rudner, the actress.
more here

Kate Middleton and Prince William invite homeless to Royal Wedding, by Mac

'...and remember it's morning suits with top hats and here's a Harrods wedding present suggestion list'

via

Cyanide & Happiness

via

The best places to watch the world's best skiers in action

"Ski Sunday traditionalists may be ruing the BBC's decision to profile the full spectrum of activities to be had on snow, but a trip to watch the World Cup races should be the next step for those yearning for downhill and slalom racing in abundance. The FIS World Cup hosts most of its races in Europe and there are plenty of venues where a weekend trip without renting skis could not come more highly recommended. If you want to mix a party atmosphere with slalom then Zagreb, Croatia is the place to head. Sljeme, a well-known slope on Mount Medvednica, hosts an annual men and women's world-class slalom event shortly after New Year. It takes place at night and brings in a frenzied atmosphere. For the whole package, then the 2011 ski world championships at Garmish-Partenkirchen on the German-Austrian border in February will be an opportunity to see the likes of American Bode Miller, possibly for the last time before retirement."

Telegraph

Virtual vs Reality

BizarroBlog

Up in Your Pair

Comixed 

Sights for sore eyes

via

Ghostly Creature Emerges from Ocean's Depths

"Scientists unveiled on Wednesday a gossamer, ghostly creature discovered in the deepest reaches of the ocean between Indonesia and the Philippines.

The squidworm, up to 9.4 centimeters (3.7 inches) in length, is far more elegant than its name would suggest."
via Discovery News/read more

Dream Themes Reach Across Cultures

"Afraid to share your dreams with others because you think you are alone? Chances are, if you have dreamed it, others have too. But do you have these dreams regularly?

This is what Calvin Kai-Ching Yu wanted to explore in a new study published in the November issue of Dreaming. He set out to analyze not only what dreams are most common, but what dreams recur regularly."
via Discovery News/read more

Dog Beer

"The Dutch brewed Dog Beer is made from a special blend of beef extracts and malt to keep a beer taste but add some meaty goodness.

Makers say the beer is alcohol free and market it as 'a beer for your best friend.'

'For large dogs we would recommend one bottle a day and for things like a chihuahua, well they prefer shorts,' said a spokesman.

Dog owner Wiktor Piotrowski- who tried the drink when it was launched in Poland this week - said: 'My dog loves it. Now when we go for a walk we can both go to the pub.'"
via

Eye Check Up

"Just bought an automated cat food dispenser. It clearly doesn't dispense enough food."

Imgur

Cyanide & Happiness

Explosm.net

Paw Cat cant Bear It

 "It was a bizarre friendship from the start when zoo cat Muschi wandered into the bear enclosure 10 years ago and cuddled up to brown bear Mauschen.

Now keepers say the cat is in mourning after her 42-year-old pal died of old age at Berlin Zoo in Germany.

Keeper Andre Schule explained: 'She had been ill for some time and in a lot of pain. She was one of the oldest bears alive in the world and had lived far longer than she would have done in the wild.'

'But poor Muschi is inconsolable. They shared a bed together but it'd be too dangerous to let her back into the bear enclosure without her friend there to protect her,' he added."
 Croatian Times Online News 

2 Dead After North Korea Shells South Korean Island

"North Korea rained dozens of artillery rounds on a South Korean island near the disputed western sea border Tuesday, killing two South Korean marines and wounding more than a dozen people in one of the most serious clashes in years.

The shelling began around 2:30 p.m. local time, according to South Korean military officials. The North fired about 200 rounds, and the South returned fire with about 80 rounds of artillery and scrambled fighter jets in an exchange that reportedly lasted an hour."

read more

Monday Blues

Alan Rickman Fan Club 

Not When The Only Typing Available Is Stereotyping

Me: “Sir, can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a cable.”

Me: “Ok. I’ll take you to our cables, what kind of cable do you need?”

Customer: “Uhm…. a cable. USB? I need to hook up a computer.”

Me: “Here are our USB cables, but could you be a little more specific?”

Customer: *getting angry* “These are not what I need at all! I need a cable! Are you deaf? I need a C-A-B-L-E. I need one for my computer.”

Me: “Sir, there are a lot of cables, if you could tell me what kind of thing you were trying to hook up?”

Customer: “Is there anyone else on the floor that can help me!? Maybe one of the computer guys? You’re obviously too stupid to understand.”

Me: “Sir, I am the only one on the floor at the moment and I am trying my best to help you find your cable.”

Customer: “Miss, why don’t you go back to the registers where you belong and bring me a computer guy?”

Me: “Sir, I am the tech person and would be happy to help you find your cable. Could you show me an example of what you mean?”

(The customer, extremely agitated, goes to a display computer.)

Customer: This is what I wanted! A cable!”

Me: “You mean a keyboard?”

Customer: “Um…yes.” *sheepishly leaves the store*
Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes 

The Hidden Kitten

The Presurfer

Some quick suggestions for Cameron

Just when Kate and Wills had made us forgot about the economy, Lord Young had to come along and spoil it all. But there must be other distractions . . .

"Cameron must be praying for some fresh nationwide distraction, but that's not likely to happen on its own. He's got to get creative and manufacture his own stupid news. Here are some quick suggestions for Cameron:

1. Call a live press conference, during which you claim to have made contact with aliens. Then point at the sky and say, "They'll be arriving any moment – from behind that cloud." Keep pointing until the economy is better. This will definitely keep the 24-hour rolling-news networks occupied. For the newspapers, you'll have to go to phase 2, namely:

2. Beg Wills and Kate to release a pre-wedding sex tape. The subsequent headline apocalypse would cause Fleet Street to run out of ink until some point midway through 2013, which might give the economy time to recover – or at least give the Royal Mint time to release a new series of banknotes with popular figures such as Harry Potter or Susan Boyle on them, which would distract viewers (in a positive way) each time they were used as background graphics to illustrate harrowing stories about the new Great Depression on the 10 O'Clock News.

3. Cry and apologise constantly. Just weep openly during every Prime Minister's Questions, every interview, every public appearance. Weep and smack yourself over the head while blubbing about how bad the economy is and begging for the nation's forgiveness. Eventually, we'll probably be dumb enough to give it to you."

You've never had it so good, says Lord Young. By accident. Before promptly stepping down | Charlie Brooker  | The Guardian