Tornjak -Croatian Shepherd Dog

"Tornjaks belong to the rare livestock protection breeds. The Tornjak is one of the very old breeds from ancient times, and it was mentioned in handwritten papers for the first time in the 9th century, in a Catholic Church's document. The breed was later mentioned in the 11th and 14th century. Tornjaks from these documents is the very same as they are today, except for the name of the breed, which was Hrvatski pas planinac, meaning Croatian dog from the mountain. The dogs in these documents was described entirely equal (function and exterior) as they are today: a protective guarding dog which keep and watch all what their humans ask from them, but highly intelligent and selected without sufficient aggression, and they are pleasant against strangers that they meet outside of their own property. It is considered that dogs of the Tornjak's type have existed in Dinaridi (region around Mountain Dinara, Croatia),as well as in the region around Vlasic (region close to the city of Bugojno, Bosnia), from the Roman times ."
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Second Hand

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Droppings

"During WW II a British fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and he was captured by the Nazis.

He was hurt pretty bad, so he the German doctor amputated his arm.

He requested that they drop his arm over his base in England.

So the Germans did.

The next week they amputated his other arm and he asked the same thing.

The Germans complied.

The next week they amputated one of his legs, and he again asked for them to drop it over his base in England.

The German doctor replied, 'Nein, ve do dis no more!'

The pilot asked why not, and the German answered, 'Ve tink you trying to escape!'"
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Pizza

"A pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested,
then suddenly a whiskey came along. Pizza thought:'Ok.
I'll let him pass, there's no hurry. Two minutes later
another whiskey comes by and pizza let him pass too, but
two minutes later when the next one got there, pizza stoped
him:'What's going on out there?' it asked. 'Why, there's a
party going on!! It's great! They're having the most fun!!'
the whiskey replied.
And pizza said: 'Great, I'll go check it out!'"
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Between the two of us

"A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell.
'Marry him anyway, dear.' the Mother said. 'Between the two of us, we'll show him just how *wrong* he is.'"
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Celebrations for Kosovo's independence

The proclamation of Kosovo's independence is the latest step in the dismantling of the former Yugoslavia.
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The 9th slalom race in Zagreb's Sljeme

Ivica Kostelić

According to the organizers, between 18 and 20 thousand people followed the 9th slalom race of the skiing season in Zagreb’s Sljeme. The weather was very cold, but also a very good atmosphere.
Many Croatian fans and people from neighbouring countries came to give their support to the skiers. Most of the support was given to Croatian skier Ivica Kostelic gained the second position only 0.03 seconds behind Austrian Matt."
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It's My Birthday !

Yep, my 46th birthday :)

The Ultimate Escape!

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Before & After

Before: You take my breath away
After: I feel like I'm suffocating

Before: She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
After: She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

Before: Lucy and Ricky
After: Fred and Ethyl

Before: Saturday night fever
After: Monday night football

Before: He makes me feel like a million dollars
After: If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...

Before: Don't stop
After: Don't start

Before: The sound of music
After: The sounds of silence

Before: Is that all your having?
After: Maybe you should just have a salad, honey

Before: Wheel of fortune
After: Jeopardy

Before: It's like I'm living in a dream
After: It's like he lives in a dorm

Before: $60/doz
After: $1.50/stem

Before: Turbo charged
After: Jump start

Before: We agree on everything
After: Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

Before: Victoria secret
After: Fruit of the loom

Before! : Charming and noble
After: Chernobyl

Before: Feathers and handcuffs
After: Ball and chain

Before: Idol
After: Idle

Before: I love a woman with curves
After: I never said you were fat

Before: He's completely lost without me
After: Why won't he ever ask for directions?

Before: Time stood still
After: This relationship is going nowhere

Before: Croissant and cappuccino
After: Bagel and instant

Before: Blind
After: Nearsighted

Before: You look so seductive in black
After: Your clothes are so depressing

Before: Iambic pentameter
After: Blank verse

Before: Oysters
After: Fish sticks

Before: I can hardly believe we found each other
After: I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

Before: Passion
After: Ration

Before: Once upon a time
After: The end

50th Wedding Anniversary

"At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar.

At a session, last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few, minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, 'Well, I've a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!'

The Priest responded, 'Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary.'

Luigi proudly replied, 'I'm a-gonna go to get her.'"

Woof, woof

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The new Snow Queen

"CROATIA, ZAGREB - The nice Finnish girl Tanja Poutiainen is the new Snow Queen. After she won at the first Snow Queen slalom event, which was called “Zlatni Medvjed” (Golden Bear) at the time, Tanja did not feel the ecstasy of winning until today. Her excellent second run gave her the win on Zagreb’s Sljeme.
- I knew that I could improve upon my first run because I made a small mistake on a flatter area, and I still had a good result. I went for all of nothing and it paid off. I saw that I can.
Tanja commented on the “most exciting slalom” as she evaluated it herself"

i nap

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Relax quotes

"Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.”
William S. Burroughs"

“The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.”
Sydney J. Harris


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Relax

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Nursing Home

"Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman who was suffering from Alzheimer's.

His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer.

He would wander about never knowing where he was or sometimes even who he was.

She took him to a nursing home.

At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair.

Suddenly the man starting slowly leaning to his left.

The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up.

A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right.

Again, the nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side.

Then he starting leaning forward.

This time, the nurse strapped him into the chair.

About this time, his wife, having completed the paperwork, walked up to him and asked, 'How do you like the place?'

'It's okay, I guess' he said, 'But, they won't let me fart!'"
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"Last Day In the Job"

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Doctor! Doctor!

"A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor Who was retiring.

The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could come used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, 'I've been a little sick to my stomach.'

The older doctor said, 'Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?'

As they left the younger man said, 'You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?'

I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick.'

'Huh,' the younger doctor said, 'pretty sneaky. I think I'll try that at the next house.'

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with another woman.

She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did, 'I'm feeling terribly run down lately.' she said.

'You've probably been doing too much work for the church,' the younger doctor told her.

'Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.'

As they left, the elder doc said, 'Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?'

'Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed.'"
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The Dalmatian Dog

"Dalmatian physique"

Weight:~55 pounds (25 kg.)
Height:22-24 inches (50-60cm.)
Coat:Short, hard, dense
Litter size:Average is 8
Life span:10-12 years"

The Dalmatian (Croatian: Dalmatinski pas) is a breed of dog, noted for its white coat with either black or liver spots. Although other color variations do exist, any color markings other than black or liver are a disqualification in purebred Dalmatians. The famous spotted coat is unique to the Dalmatian breed; no other purebred dog breed features the distinctive spotted markings. The breed takes its name from the Croatian province of Dalmatia, where it is supposed to have originated.

Valentine cards

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged,
balding man standing at the counter methodically placing
'Love' stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over
them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying
scent all over them.


His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the
balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says
'I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?''


'But why?' asks the man.


'I'm a divorce lawyer,' the man replies."
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Why I don't like Valentine's day?

Because things like these !

Valentines Day Jokes

"What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love?

A stupid cupid!


Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?

It was Valenswine's Day!


Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?

Sure, they're very scent-imental!


What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?

'I'm sweet on you!'


What did the paper clip say to the magnet?

'I find you very attractive.'


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What is love ?

"If I know what love is, it is because of you.”
Herman Hesse

Understanding Women

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8 things you will never hear a woman say

"8. What do you mean it’s our anniversary?
7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I’d rather just watch tv.
6. ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyy tooooooo big!
5.Can our relationship get a little more physical? I’m tired of being just friends.
4. Honey, does this outfit make my but look to small?
3. Aww, don’t stop for directions, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out how to get there.
2. I don’t care if it’s on sale $300 is way too much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger.8. What do you mean it’s our anniversary?

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Women with PMS

"Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else
in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the
bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE
DAYS before they figured it OUT.

And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs
despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past
SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light
bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to
stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT
BULBS CAME IN! WHY?!

BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER
WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP
THROGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.

THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did
you ask me?"
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Valentine Cartoons

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Valentines day toilet paper

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Irresistible to women

"After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her
husband,
'Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to
women you are?'
The flattered husband said, 'No, dear they haven't.'
The wife yells, 'Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party
tonight?'"
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