Trump Screams at Pence for Not Praying Hard Enough to Make Biden Lose

A harrowing scene unfolded at the White House on Tuesday night as Donald Trump screamed at Mike Pence for “not praying hard enough” to make Joe Biden lose the Super Tuesday primary contests, sources said.
 Witnesses to the vituperative dressing-down of the Vice-President reported that the evening started badly after Trump saw the returns from Virginia, which Biden won handily.
 “Mike, you were supposed to tell God to make Sleepy Joe lose,” Trump snapped.
 “A lot of good your ‘praying’ did.” Trump’s tirade against Pence grew in ferocity after Biden romped to victory in state after state, a string of victories that Trump blamed squarely on Pence’s inadequate praying efforts.
 “They’re still voting in California,” Trump barked at Pence around midnight.
“Get down on your knees and get to work, you loser.”
 According to White House sources, Trump’s insistence that Pence pray for Biden’s failure has pushed the Vice-President “to the breaking point.”
 “He’s already spending hours every day praying for the stock market to go up,” one source said.

The Borowitz Report