When tidying up in a house that contains a baby, the first thing to consider is the question of ownership. To whom do the onesies, blankets, and toys belong—you or the baby? A good rule of thumb is: if it’s something like a hairbrush or nail clipper that you use on the baby, it belongs to you; if it’s something that the baby uses, like the blankie or the iPad, it belongs to the baby. Obviously, babies cannot speak. This may prove problematic when you are trying to determine whether or not the baby’s belongings are sparking joy in the baby. If you are particularly attuned to your child, you might be able to tell when that rush of joy floods his or her little body. If, however, you are unable to do so, you must shoulder the responsibility of determining the joy-inducing capacity of any given object until your child is sufficiently verbal. The KonMari method dictates the separation of adult belongings into categories. With baby items, the lines become fuzzier: is a binky with a woobie attached a toy, or bedding? Is a Moby wrap clothing, or a noose?
Best, then, to simplify into only two groups: onesies, and anything that is not a onesie.
When considering a onesie, it is important to remember that there is no such thing as a onesie that sparks joy. This may confuse you, if you are still able to dimly recall a time when onesies were capable of sparking joy. You may remember cooing over their smallness, chuckling at the clever phrases printed on them, and thinking, “It is important that the world perceive my baby to be a Ramones fan.” But this was all before you gave birth. Now you know the truth—that babies grow out of onesies on a weekly basis, and that no matter how darling the graphic, everything stops being cute when it is covered in fecal matter. So never forget: onesies are disposable.
By Emily Flake
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