"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
Not to Worry
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
The Medical Profession
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
Longevity
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." —Ellen DeGeneres
And Finally...
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
By Toni Bernhard Psychology Today
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