Thank God Jamie merely opened a school, and didn't decide to explore the NHS's failings by opening his own Dream Hospital, in which famous actors who've portrayed doctors in popular dramas perform operations on members of the public. Watch Hugh Laurie sew up a gaping abdominal wound! See James Nesbitt conduct intricate neurosurgery! They'd make mistakes now and then – slicing the wrong bit off here, letting all the innards spill out there – but that's where Jamie could come in. He could take that human offal, whip up a delicious intestine-and-kidney casserole, then spoon it into the dying patient's grateful, gurgling mouth as they drew their final breaths.
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