Charlie Brooker's 2010

"Technology continued to dominate entertainment, with the movie-going public facing a sustained bombardment from one cinematic 3D mess after another. The industrial distraction industry is determined to push 3D as a must-have product in the face of increasing consumer apathy and a string of obvious drawbacks: 3D TVs, for instance, come with a recommendation that the viewer refrains from drinking alcohol while watching. Still, if you tire of the Sky 3D channel's endless diet of coral reefs and football, there's always 3D videogaming. Yes, 3D TV owners can play Call Of Duty: Black Ops in full 3D. Hilariously, the first time you squint down the sights in order to shoot a baddie, you instinctively have to close one eye to aim, thereby turning it all 2D again. Still, it's probably good for your eyelid muscles.

If that wasn't enough, Microsoft also unveiled the Kinect system: a device which essentially turns your Xbox into a creepy voyeur. The Kinect can recognise your face, understand your voice, and scan your entire body to make sure you're behaving properly, a bit like a distant Victorian parent.

Technology also squats behind another big story of the year: the continual drip of classified information via Julian Assange's Wikileaks. Every day a fresh puddle of revelations, as though the CIA had started urinating secrets in its sleep. What do you expect if you leave a paper trail? If there's one lesson to take from all this, it's that it's best to never, ever write anything down. In fact, in a bid to prevent future embarrassments, from now on all overseas US diplomats will be required to communicate with Washington using sign language via Skype. Should be fun. How do you mime "David Cameron", exactly? I'd impersonate a wanking robot. As for Clegg, that's easy. Just do a U-turn and point to your arsehole."

via The Guardian /read more