Arrghh, Help

These are all GENUINE replies from patients asked why they needed an ambulance to and from hospital...

I am under the doctor and cannot breathe.
I can't walk to the bus stop and my wife is bent.
I can't breathe and haven't done so for many years.
I want transport as bus drivers do funny things to me and make me feel queer.

I am blind in one eye and my leg.
I live five miles from the hospital and the postman says I should have it.
I have got arthritis and heart failure in both feet and knees.
I must have a man as I cannot go out or do up my suspenders.
I cannot walk up a hill unless it is down and the hill to the hospital is up.
My husband is dead and will not bring me.
I cannot drive a car as I have not got one.
I hope you will send a man as my husband is quite useless.
I can come at any time to suit you, but not mornings as I don't feel too
good.

I can't come on Mondays or Wednesdays as the home help comes, and not on Fridays as the baker calls for his money.

I can't come on Tuesdays as my sister calls."
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