via
Friday, March 27, 2009
Trial
"A guy is caught by a ranger eating a bald eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime.
On the day of his trail, the conversation went something like this:
Judge: “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?”
Man: “Yes I did. But if you let me argue my case, I’ll explain what happened.”
Judge: “Proceed.”
Man: “I got lost in the woods. I hadn’t had anything to eat for two weeks.”
“I was so hungry. Next thing I see is a bald eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish.”
“I knew that if I followed the eagle I could maybe steal the fish.”
“Unfortunately, in the process of taking the fish I killed the eagle.”
“I figured that since I killed the eagle I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground.”
Judge: “The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony.”
15 minutes go by and the judge returns from his chambers.
Judge: “Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you didn’t intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges. But if you don’t mind the court asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?”
Man: “Well your honour, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is maybe a combination between a California condor and a spotted owl.”
On the day of his trail, the conversation went something like this:
Judge: “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?”
Man: “Yes I did. But if you let me argue my case, I’ll explain what happened.”
Judge: “Proceed.”
Man: “I got lost in the woods. I hadn’t had anything to eat for two weeks.”
“I was so hungry. Next thing I see is a bald eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish.”
“I knew that if I followed the eagle I could maybe steal the fish.”
“Unfortunately, in the process of taking the fish I killed the eagle.”
“I figured that since I killed the eagle I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground.”
Judge: “The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony.”
15 minutes go by and the judge returns from his chambers.
Judge: “Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you didn’t intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges. But if you don’t mind the court asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?”
Man: “Well your honour, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is maybe a combination between a California condor and a spotted owl.”
New exhibition lifts the lid on medicine's gory past
The next time you hear someone hark on about the 'good old days', simply mention two words: 'early' and 'medicine'. Nothing divides the world of today from that of the pre-modern age than the incredible advances made in medicine and surgery seen in the past 200 years.
Before the modern era, to be seriously ill was to enter a world of almost unimaginable pain, misery and often grotesque medical ignorance. The diseases were bad enough, but the treatments were often far worse.
This terrifying era has been brought to life with a new online exhibition, courtesy of the Science Museum in London, in which more than 2,500 objects from medicine's dark past are on display.
The surgical instruments, documents, medical teaching aids and scientific equipment form part of the much larger collection amassed by Sir Henry Wellcome (1853-1936), a vast array of objects dating from antiquity to the 20th century.
They include everything from an anti-masturbation device and amputation knives to an iron lung and a domestic enema machine.
"The Wax Vanitas was an educational work of art designed to remind us that human life is perilously short. This example shows a decaying human head, with a skull and worms feeding off the flesh. The other side shows the face during life. The idea was to hammer home the message that death comes all too soon to each and every one of us. This is similar to memento mori gravestones of the era depicting skulls, hourglasses and scythes"
more here
Before the modern era, to be seriously ill was to enter a world of almost unimaginable pain, misery and often grotesque medical ignorance. The diseases were bad enough, but the treatments were often far worse.
This terrifying era has been brought to life with a new online exhibition, courtesy of the Science Museum in London, in which more than 2,500 objects from medicine's dark past are on display.
The surgical instruments, documents, medical teaching aids and scientific equipment form part of the much larger collection amassed by Sir Henry Wellcome (1853-1936), a vast array of objects dating from antiquity to the 20th century.
They include everything from an anti-masturbation device and amputation knives to an iron lung and a domestic enema machine.
"The Wax Vanitas was an educational work of art designed to remind us that human life is perilously short. This example shows a decaying human head, with a skull and worms feeding off the flesh. The other side shows the face during life. The idea was to hammer home the message that death comes all too soon to each and every one of us. This is similar to memento mori gravestones of the era depicting skulls, hourglasses and scythes"
more here
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Bob Dylan: hopes and fears
'What about political dreams?'
Dylan: 'Oh yeah. Politicians would have political dreams - dreams and ambitions.
Maybe we are talking about two different things.'
Flanagan: What's your take on politics?
Dylan: 'Politics is entertainment. It's a sport. It's for the well groomed and well heeled.
The impeccably dressed. Party animals. Politicians are interchangeable.
Flanagan: Don't you believe in the democratic process?
'Yeah, but what's that got to do with politics?'"
Bob Dylan's new album Together Through Life will be released at the end of April.
via
Dylan: 'Oh yeah. Politicians would have political dreams - dreams and ambitions.
Maybe we are talking about two different things.'
Flanagan: What's your take on politics?
Dylan: 'Politics is entertainment. It's a sport. It's for the well groomed and well heeled.
The impeccably dressed. Party animals. Politicians are interchangeable.
Flanagan: Don't you believe in the democratic process?
'Yeah, but what's that got to do with politics?'"
Bob Dylan's new album Together Through Life will be released at the end of April.
Miss Bee
"Miss Bee was in her 80s, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlour.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water.
In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise.
Imagine his curiosity!
Surely Miss Bee had flipped... or something! But he certainly couldn’t mention the strange sight in her parlour.
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.
Miss Bee,” he said, pointing to the bowl, “I wonder if you would tell me about this.”
“Oh yes,” she replied, “Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall, and I found this little package.
“It said to put it on the organ and keep it wet, and it would prevent disease.”
“And you know”, she continued... “I think it’s working... I haven’t had a cold all winter!'"
The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlour.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water.
In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise.
Imagine his curiosity!
Surely Miss Bee had flipped... or something! But he certainly couldn’t mention the strange sight in her parlour.
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.
Miss Bee,” he said, pointing to the bowl, “I wonder if you would tell me about this.”
“Oh yes,” she replied, “Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall, and I found this little package.
“It said to put it on the organ and keep it wet, and it would prevent disease.”
“And you know”, she continued... “I think it’s working... I haven’t had a cold all winter!'"
Ziggy the Painting Pekingese
Owner Elizabeth Monacelli said he three-year-old pet began painting about three years ago after she encouraged him to pick up a paintbrush.
One of the abstract pieces which Ziggy produced .
via
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Super Obama flies in to save the day ... and hopefully the economy
"He may need superhero powers to save the U.S economy, and if this comic creation is anything to go by President Barack Obama has the strength and power to do so.
The Commander-in-Chief is shown in the middle of a Clark Kent-style transformation on the cover of comics, entertainment and pop culture magazine, Wizard.
Super Obama is seen tearing off his shirt to reveal a large O logo on his chest."
via
George W. Bush writing a book
"Oh, and former President George W. Bush is now writing a book about the 12 toughest decisions that he had to make as president. He said each decision had three options — rock, paper and scissors."
via
Parrot That Saved Baby`s Life Rewarded
"Parrot Willie was babysitting little Hannah Kusk with his owner Megan Howard last November.
The baby started chocking on food when Megan went to the bathroom, and noticing that the baby was in danger, Willie called the sitter by crying: “Mama, baby!”. Megan saved the baby`s life with an able Heimlich manoeuvre.
The American Red Cross rewarded Willi with the “Animal Lifesaver” award, presented to animals for helping people. Bill Ritter, the governor of the state of Colorado also attended the award presentation to the heroic parrot in Denver."
viaThe baby started chocking on food when Megan went to the bathroom, and noticing that the baby was in danger, Willie called the sitter by crying: “Mama, baby!”. Megan saved the baby`s life with an able Heimlich manoeuvre.
The American Red Cross rewarded Willi with the “Animal Lifesaver” award, presented to animals for helping people. Bill Ritter, the governor of the state of Colorado also attended the award presentation to the heroic parrot in Denver."
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Opossum Jokes
How many fiddle players does it take to eat an opossum?
Two, one to eat it & one to watch for cars."
Why did the chicken cross the road? ...
To teach the opossum it could be done!
Why did the opossum cross the road? ...
To teach the squirrel that you don't have to zig-zag .
Two, one to eat it & one to watch for cars."
Why did the chicken cross the road? ...
To teach the opossum it could be done!
Why did the opossum cross the road? ...
To teach the squirrel that you don't have to zig-zag .
Sue the clever little piggy
"Owner Wendy Scudamore believes her talented porker could not only beat canine competitors in an agility contest, but even turn out to be a real-life Babe and learn how to herd sheep just like the pig in the hit movie."
the full story here
Amazing pictures of a 30 stone Silverback gorilla who had one too many - and ends up with a sore head
"When wildlife photographer Andy Rouse was told he would find a family of endangered gorillas high on the mountain, he did not expect to find them this high.
Sitting back in the foliage as if it was a cocktail bar, the mountain gorillas had been gorging on alcoholic sap from fresh bamboo shoots and were looking distinctly the worse for wear.
Some were propping up the bar with a bleary air, while others staggered to their feet obviously hoping the mountain police would not ask them to walk in a straight line."
read the full story
Not this time
"A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters.
But always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: “There's no way I can be the father of this baby, look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!”
“Have you been fooling around behind my back?”
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
“Not this time!”"
But always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: “There's no way I can be the father of this baby, look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!”
“Have you been fooling around behind my back?”
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
“Not this time!”"
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)