Streets of TisnoWe're taking 3 weeks off.Thank you for your patience and continued readership.
All the best !
Friday, July 27, 2007
Are you feeling better now ?
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A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.
A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave a nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.
"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
Thursday, July 26, 2007
The Camel Joke
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There's this guy walking along a road to town with his camel. Along the way, a guy stops and ask's if he needs a ride to town. The guy say's, yeah. He hop's in, the driver say's, what about your camel. The guy said, Oh, he's ok, he know's his way to town. So the driver start's driving, he get's up to about 45 MPH, and he looks in his rearview mirror and see's the camel right behind him. He say's to the guy, hey buddy ya know your camel is behind us? The guy say's, yeah it's ok, he knows his way to town, speed up a little. The driver speed's up to about 55 MPH, he's driving along, and look's behind him and again see's the camel. And say's to the guy, your camel is still there. The guy say's, he's know's the way, speed up a little. So the driver speed's up to 65 MPH. He drive's for a bit, and look's behind him, and look's at the guy and say's, hey buddy your camel he's looking pretty rough. The guy say's, oh yeah, what's he doing. The driver say's, well, his ear's are folded back and his tongue is hanging out.. The guy say's, HIS TONGUE IS HANGING OUT,, TO WHICH SIDE. The driver say's to the left side. The guy say's, YOU'D BETTER HOLD YOUR COURSE, HE'S FIXIN TO PASS YA..!
Need some shade, darling?
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True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
Erich Segal
Fish faces
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Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.
Mark Twain
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Great Sex
Joe was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, 'I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped.'
His buddy said, 'I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled.'
So the that's what Joe did.
The next day at the bar his buddy said, 'Well? Did you take my suggestion?'
'Yes, I did,' said Joe.
'Did she like it?' His buddy asked.
'Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling 'I'll be back in an hour!!' "
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His buddy said, 'I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled.'
So the that's what Joe did.
The next day at the bar his buddy said, 'Well? Did you take my suggestion?'
'Yes, I did,' said Joe.
'Did she like it?' His buddy asked.
'Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling 'I'll be back in an hour!!' "
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Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Dog Joke
"A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around.
Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded to know what he was doing.
The blind man calmly replied, 'I'm just lookin' around.'"
Beer
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
- Frank Zappa
Joke of the Day
"A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
Pastor said, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!'
My friend said, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.'
Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?'
He *whispered* back, 'I'm in the secret service.'"
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Pastor said, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!'
My friend said, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.'
Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?'
He *whispered* back, 'I'm in the secret service.'"
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The Top 10
Here are the top 10 examples of the most unusual excuses employees offered their managers for arriving late to work:
1. Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them.
2. My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what "really" happened.
3. My girlfriend got mad and destroyed all of my undergarments.
4. I woke up and thought I was temporarily deaf.
5. I just wasn't "feelin' it" this morning.
6. I was up all night arguing with God.
7. A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch.
8. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution.
9. I was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed.
10. A prostitute climbed into my car at a stop light, and I was afraid my wife would see her and think I was messing around... so I got out of the car.
1. Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them.
2. My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what "really" happened.
3. My girlfriend got mad and destroyed all of my undergarments.
4. I woke up and thought I was temporarily deaf.
5. I just wasn't "feelin' it" this morning.
6. I was up all night arguing with God.
7. A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch.
8. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution.
9. I was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed.
10. A prostitute climbed into my car at a stop light, and I was afraid my wife would see her and think I was messing around... so I got out of the car.
Monday, July 23, 2007
A Day At The Beach
A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nudist beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had bigger boobs than his mother, so he asked her why.
She told her son, "The bigger they are, the dumber the person is."
The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean, but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger units than his dad.
His mother replied, "The bigger they are, the dumber the person is."
Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again.
He promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks to her, the dumber he gets."
She told her son, "The bigger they are, the dumber the person is."
The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean, but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger units than his dad.
His mother replied, "The bigger they are, the dumber the person is."
Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again.
He promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks to her, the dumber he gets."
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