Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you,
your relatives will feel it.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Chuck Norris lol
Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you,
your relatives will feel it.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The koala who cooled down by taking a cold bath in a bucket
"It may not be the most common of bear necessities.
But when faced with a scorching heatwave, this incredibly cute koala decided a bath in a large white bucket filled with icy water was the only way to cool down.
Unfortunately, there is a sad story behind the endearing picture."
the full story here
Princess Anne Meets Croatian President
British Princess Anne arrived in Croatia on a three-day official visit at the invitation
of President Stjepan Mesic.
Mesic and his wife Milka welcomed Princess Anne at "Pantovcak" presidential palace.
She was later greeted by prominent Croatian politicians, athletes and generals.
The president gave the princess a set of "Sibenski botuni" ear rings, and the princess gave him an autographed photo of herself.
Princess Anne, Mesic and his wife and British Ambassador to Croatia Sir John Ramsden and his wife dined together after the reception.
Today, Princess Anne is going to visit the "Krila" (The Wings) therapeutic horseback riding centre, the Slobostina rehabilitation centre and the "SUVAG" speech rehabilitation clinic in Zagreb.
The princess is making her third visit to Croatia.
Consumer Warning
"On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special.)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap
On a Swanson frozen dinner: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down.
On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot's children's cough medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special.)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap
On a Swanson frozen dinner: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down.
On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot's children's cough medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
The Old Sailor and the Hooker
"Mel, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more,
for old times' sake.
He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.
He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance,
he asks, 'How am I doing??'
The prostitute replies, 'Well James, old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'
'Three knots?' he asks, 'What's the hell that supposed to mean?'
She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back.'"
for old times' sake.
He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.
He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance,
he asks, 'How am I doing??'
The prostitute replies, 'Well James, old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'
'Three knots?' he asks, 'What's the hell that supposed to mean?'
She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back.'"
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Man caught smuggling pigeons in underwear
"The 23-year-old Meadow Heights man arrived Melbourne Airport on Sunday from Dubai and customs and border control officers found two birds eggs in his pocket.
When they searched him thoroughly, they found he was wearing tights with one bird stuffed down each leg.
Officers also seized a money belt containing plant seeds and other undeclared matter.
If convicted, the alleged smuggler could face up to 10 years in jail, and substantial fines."
via
Lisha the Labrador
A Labrador who has played surrogate mother to more than 30 animals including a hippo and porcupine has her paws full caring for her latest charges.
The nine-year-old Labrador is busy helping raise three one-month old tiger cubs after their own mother rejected them.
The dog's amazing ability to make friends with any animal species is documented in these wonderful family snaps taken by her owners.
"Born to be a mother:Lisha the labrador with her adopted cheetah cubs, Josh and Jordan
via
The nine-year-old Labrador is busy helping raise three one-month old tiger cubs after their own mother rejected them.
The dog's amazing ability to make friends with any animal species is documented in these wonderful family snaps taken by her owners.
"Born to be a mother:Lisha the labrador with her adopted cheetah cubs, Josh and Jordan
via
Ouch!
"With his grimacing face, the burning hay bales and surrounding thick grey smoke it could be a climatic scene from the end of an epic war film - if it wasn't for the Borat mankini costume.
This pained looking man is actually taking part in an annual Tough Guy Challenge with thousands of other daredevils.
The aspiring 'tough guys' braved an obstacle course which included walking across fire and through icy water despite the bitterly cold weather currently battering Britain."
via
Blind man visiting Texas
"There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, 'Wow, these seats are big!'
The person next to him answered, 'Everything is big in Texas.'
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, 'Wow these mugs are big!' The bartender replied, 'Everything is big in Texas.'
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, 'Second door to the right.' The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, 'Don't flush, don't flush!'"
via
The person next to him answered, 'Everything is big in Texas.'
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, 'Wow these mugs are big!' The bartender replied, 'Everything is big in Texas.'
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, 'Second door to the right.' The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, 'Don't flush, don't flush!'"
via
Monday, February 2, 2009
Baby chimps can become smarter than a human child
Later in life, we're the ones who have the edge.
But in the first nine months after birth, chimpanzees can be smarter than humans, scientists claim.
Orphaned chimpanzees given special 'mothering' by humans did better in tests of cognitive ability than the average human baby.
"I'm the smartest"
But in the first nine months after birth, chimpanzees can be smarter than humans, scientists claim.
Orphaned chimpanzees given special 'mothering' by humans did better in tests of cognitive ability than the average human baby.
"I'm the smartest"
Dinner? It’s fast food from the deep freeze
In a flash of brilliant blue, with wings folded in for maximum speed,
he rockets towards a hole in the ice.
Plunging into the freezing water the kingfisher snaps once, twice and again.
Then, with a twist and a flap, he bursts out into the air,
a three-course dinner safely in hand - or rather, beak.
"Fish kebab: The bird breaks the surface with a meal of three tasty bites"
via
he rockets towards a hole in the ice.
Plunging into the freezing water the kingfisher snaps once, twice and again.
Then, with a twist and a flap, he bursts out into the air,
a three-course dinner safely in hand - or rather, beak.
"Fish kebab: The bird breaks the surface with a meal of three tasty bites"
via
The difference between men and women
"Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! "
"A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument."
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! "
"A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument."
When a man goes on a date
"When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky.
A woman already knows."
Frederike Ryder
Famous quotes on SexA woman already knows."
Frederike Ryder
Taking out the trash
Russian policemen arrested a man dressed as dustbin as he protestedagainst a refuse disposal plant in Moscow.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
France Takes Victory Over Croatia in Finals
In front of the full Zagreb Arena Croatia went for its second gold medal and in its way was a strong France which would not give up so easily. The Croatian handball team was supported by more than 15,000 fans who cheered the team on with all their might.
In the whole chaos on the court, the Croatian team lost their focus, their attacks were disorganised and in the 53rd minute France scored for a result of 20:18. Immediately after, Croatia missed its change to score and France has a lead of three points.
Referees aside, Croatia has shown in the end that it has no ideas for France’s strong defence. There was nobody to lead the offence and all this resulted in 24:19 for the French.
Congratulations, French players were better.
The Danish referees were terrible.
In the whole chaos on the court, the Croatian team lost their focus, their attacks were disorganised and in the 53rd minute France scored for a result of 20:18. Immediately after, Croatia missed its change to score and France has a lead of three points.
Referees aside, Croatia has shown in the end that it has no ideas for France’s strong defence. There was nobody to lead the offence and all this resulted in 24:19 for the French.
Congratulations, French players were better.
The Danish referees were terrible.
Your Getting Older When...
Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
A young babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
'Getting a little action' means, 'I don't need to take any fiber today.'
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to go use the bathroom!
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot."
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