Dog Telegram

A dog goes to the post office to lodge a telegram. He hands over the form, on which is written "Woof woof woof woof". The clerk says to the dog, "You know there's a five word minimum charge. You could add another 'woof' to this for nothing." To which the dog replies, "Yeah sure, but then it wouldn't make any sense."

Labrador puppies

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of Labrador puppies. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were three boy Labrador puppies and four girl Labrador puppies." "How did you know that?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it is printed on their bottoms.

Men Know

Men know that Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.
Men know that PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of the house.
Men know that if she looks like your mother, run.
Men know that there are at least three sides to every story: His, hers, and the truth.
Men know never to run away from a fight that you know you can win.
Men know how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game.
Men know exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas will get them.
Men know that from time to time, it is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself.
Men know that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect the man to stare at hercleavage. Men also know that the woman will get ticked off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them.
Men know that there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless her name is Bambi.
Men know that it's never a good idea to tell your father-in-law how good his daughter is in bed.
Men know that men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there.

Yorki-driver

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Who died the worst death ?

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they died.First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place I looked was out on the balcony. I found the jerk hanging from the edge, trying to get back in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the idiot. He landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed him. Then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went back into the bedroom and shot myself."St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then, telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and crushing me."St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..."

menoshelter

Sex education

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. The annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago."He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education!Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?""Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of thepopular myths about sexuality." "Really," he said. "What myths arethose?""Well," she explained. "One popularmyth is that African American menare the most well endowed, when infact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait." "Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent.We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck."Suddenly, the woman became a littleuncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry", she said. "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name.""Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

Pospan dan

Iz nekog (samo njemu znanoga razloga )moja bolja polovica(hm?)jutros je ustao u 5h.i obznanio

da više ne može spavati.Naravno ustala sam i ja , te skuhala kavu.I tako sjedimo mi pijuckamo

kavu, slušamo rominjanje dosadne kiše i usput mazimo svaki svoju stranu našeg yorkia koji je

obavezno između nas.Zgodno zar ne? Problem je u tome kaj ovo pišem na poslu i jedva držim

oči otvorene.Netko bi se mogao pitati kakav je to posao na kojem možeš usput i blogirati,ali o

tome nekom drugom prilikom.

Euro Dog Show 2007

Euro Dog Show je završio međutim jedan nemili događaj bacio je sjenu na cijelu manifestaciju.

Uginula su četiri Napuljska Mastifa ostavljena u kombiju.Službeno se još nezna uzrok smrti,ali

se predpostavlja da je uzrok zapostavljanje pasa. Ne možete voziti pse iz Ukrajine stati navodno

samo dva puta i ostaviti ih satima u kombiju.Čovjek to ne očekuje od ljudi koji navodno vole životinje i bave se njima.Mene je taj događaj stvarno zgrozio i nadam se da će za posljedicu imati

barem nešto manje ostavljenih pasa u automobilima,pogotovo ljeti kad su temperature vrlo visoke.

Euro Dog Show in Zagreb is finished and "Best in Show" for 2007 is Smash.

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit


Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. ''Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?'' a tourist asked.
The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, ''Nope.''
As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, ''I thought you said your dog didn't bite!''
The old man muttered, ''Ain't my dog.''

a new breed -giraffdog

HKS - EURO DOG SHOW

8.-10.2007.
HKS - EURO DOG SHOW

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

Francis Bacon

Summit G 8

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

The language of friendship is not words but meanings.

Henry David Thoreau

A man's worst nightmare

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans

and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There

might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside

table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly,"

she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said,

nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl

replied, "That's me before the operation."

speeding

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part... did you get...?" Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part... did you get...?"

The Dog & The Funeral
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind him were 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" The man replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my wife." "What happened to her?" The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. "Can I borrow the dog?" "Get in line."

The computer is a moron.

Peter Drucker