Tiger Woods crash jokes

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars.
Now he has a hole in one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball?
Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing.

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree.
He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
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Apocalypse Now is the best film of the past three decades

Francis Ford Coppola's Vietnam war movie topped a poll marking 30 years of the London Film Critics' Circle Awards, where it won best film in 1980.
The critics did not think there has been a better film since and placed it ahead of Steven Spielberg's Holocaust epic Schindler's List and the critics' circle's 2007 foreign-language winner The Lives Of Others.
Starring Marlon Brando and Martin Sheen, Coppola's work is an adaptation of Joseph Conrad's 19th Century colonial novella Heart Of Darkness.
Chairman of the Film Critics' Circle Jason Solomons said: ''I'm delighted that such a powerful and brilliant film as Apocalypse Now has won the enduring admiration of the London critics.
''Coppola's towering film is a worthy winner and clearly its anti-war message, monumental performances and dazzling film-making technique have stood the test of time, making it as relevant to critics today as it was when it won best film at our first awards ceremony 30 years ago.''
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How do you do?

The award-winning images were taken by photographer Michael S. Confer after months of trying to get the perfect shot of Coldilocks the bear.
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Yo dawg

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Artificial

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That seems about right

Porn causes tsunamis and earthquakes

Powerful stuff, that porn. The Indonesian Minister of Communication and Information (who must be very smart to have a title like that) has determined that recent natural disasters in his country are a consequence of the ubiquity of pornographic DVDs. His logic is something like this: 1) it is a fact that one can easily buy porn in local markets, and 2) it is a fact that the Padang earthquake killed over a thousand people and that the Aceh tsunami devastated an entire region, therefore 3) it is a fact that the two are causally related. Well, point 3 is a little shaky, but 1 and 2 are so strong it must make up for the absence of a causal relationship. Right? Right?

Anyway, you must all now unplug the internet and go through your magazines and DVDs and dispose of anything that might stir the wrath of gods. I'll be sorry to see you all go, but it's better this way than that you all end up drowned or crushed or blown to Oz or something. Unless, of course, you have slightly more rigorous expectations of evidence than the Indonesian Minister of Communication and Information…

(All the trolls should now scurry to hide in their basement while the regulars hang around.)
Pharyngula

Annual monkey buffet festival in Thailand

Lopburi, Thailand, 29 November 2009: Long-tailed macaque monkeys gather at the Pra Prang Sam Yot temple for the 29th annual monkey buffet festival. The festival provides food and drink to the local monkey population, which numbers more than 2,000, thanking them for drawing tourists to the town.
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Swiss vote to ban construction of minarets on mosques

"Switzerland became the first country in Europe todayto vote to curb the religious practices of Muslims when a referendum banning the construction of minarets on mosques was backed by a solid majority.

The surprise result, banning minarets in a country that has only four mosques with minarets and no major problems with Islamist militancy, stunned the Swiss establishment, which was bracing itself for a backlash in the Middle East.

The result looks likely to cause strife where there was relative peace, sully the country's image abroad, damage investment and trade with the Muslim world, and set back efforts to integrate a population of some 400,000 Muslims, most of whom are European Muslims – and non-mosque-goers – from the Balkans.

The campaign to ban minarets was described by the country's justice minister as a "proxy war" for drumming up conflict between ethnic Swiss and Muslim immigrants. But the ban was supported by a majority of 57.5%, 20 percentage points more than predicted in opinion polls in the run-up to the vote.

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Holiday Spirit

i’m impressed, fred

Before you go in there....

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The Crab Nebula

One of the most studied objects in the sky. X-ray data from Chandra provide significant clues to the workings of this mighty cosmic "generator," which is producing energy at the rate of 100,000 suns.
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Cardboard sculptures by Chris Gilmour

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What did 'Life of Brian' ever do for us?

"It is 30 years since Monty Python gave us Life of Brian. For those few who are unaware of it (perhaps too young, or recently emerged from a coma), this is the story of an ordinary chap called Brian Cohen who is constantly mistaken for being the long-awaited Messiah. His misfortune is that he is born at the same time as – and in the next stable to – Jesus Christ."
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Otter Chaos

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As I row, row, row Going so slow, slow, slow

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Sculptures made out of scrap car parts by Australian artist James Corbett

"Meet the man who turns scrapped car parts into sculptures worth thousands of pounds. Australian artist James Corbett, 46, creates these sculptures using old car parts salvaged from scrap yards."
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UR screen iz dirty. I lix it.

The Daily What

Helpdesk

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Wrong Joke

"Seems that the traveling salesman was driving in the country and his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farm house, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay over night. 'Sure,' said the farmer, 'my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are 21 and 23 but they're off to college, and I'm all by my self, so I have lots of room to put you up.' Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back towards the highway, and the farmer called after him....'Didn't you hear what I said? I have lots of room.' 'I heard you,' said the salesman,'but I think I'm in the wrong joke.'"

George Carlin - Modern Man

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Work like a dog

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How walking the dog beats going to a gym

"Dog owners get more exercise walking their pet than someone with a gym membership, researchers have found.
On average they exercise the animal twice a day for 24 minutes each time - a total of five hours and 38 minutes a week, a study for the pet healthcare experts Bob Martin found."
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Julia Petrik - Sub-zero free-diving with a Beluga whale

"In an extraordinarily rare encounter between a human and this beautiful giant of the deep, the white whale is perfectly at ease with her new companion - and even appears to be smiling.
Which is just as well - as no one really knew how the Beluga would react to human company before Julia Petrik made this dazzling dive."
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Orphan baby meerkats compare their dead mother with cuddly toy

"The five baby meerkats lost their parent, Anika, shortly after chidbirth, after the trauma of labour combined with her age proved too much.
But rather than leave them alone, owner Steve Rowlands, 28, came up with an ingenious way to get them through what could have been a difficult childhood. Using a ten-inch tall meerkat cuddly toy and a hot water bottle, he has now managed to recreate the motherly experience for the tiny creatures."
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Thanksgiving Is A Bad Time To Be A Bird !