Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Those Days of the Month
"A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.
Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick."
link
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.
Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick."
link
Friday, August 29, 2008
Movies
"For the first time in many many years, an old man travelled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.
After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant $3, he couldn't help but comment - 'The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents!'
'Well, sir,' the attendant replied with a grin, 'You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now...'"
After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant $3, he couldn't help but comment - 'The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents!'
'Well, sir,' the attendant replied with a grin, 'You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now...'"
The Nun Quiz
Three nuns die and are at the gates of heaven and St. Peter pops up and says 'Before you enter heaven you must each answer one question correctly'.
The first Nun was asked 'Who was the first man on earth?' to which she replied 'Adam' and was allowed into heaven.
The second Nun was asked 'Who was the first woman on earth?' to which she replied 'Eve' and was allowed into heaven.
The third Nun was asked 'What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?' to which she replied 'Ohh! That's a hard one'"
link
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Naughty,naughty Mr.Spacey
"HVAR, CROATIA – In a visibly drunken state, Kevin Spacey has made a spectacle in a on the Adriatic island of Hvar. As the guest were sitting down,he started a real show, attacked them and got in their faces.Before he started performing for the Teraca cafe guests,Spacey went to the toilet several times, as the Slobodna Dalmacija daily writes.This is when he became very nervous and started shouting at the terrace,while the guest were watching him in disbelief."
A Humble Guy
"All he wants is his three wishes granted.
Nothing fancy : to be immortal, to rule the world and
have the most beautiful woman in the world
fall madly in love with him.
The usual stuff. "
Terry Pratchett (Eric)
Nothing fancy : to be immortal, to rule the world and
have the most beautiful woman in the world
fall madly in love with him.
The usual stuff. "
Terry Pratchett (Eric)
Words
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day… 30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”"
via DeadDog
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”"
via DeadDog
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Elephants can do maths
"Elephants are known for their sharp memories, now a study has found that they are excellent at maths as well.
A researcher in Japan found an Asian elephant called Ashya was able to add small numbers together with almost 90 per cent accuracy.
Naoko Irie of the University of Tokyo in Japan found the matriarch was able to recognise which of two buckets contained more apples in an experiment."
link for the full story
.jpg)
Sleep Anxiety Cure
When he got to the psychiatrist's office, Bubba said, 'I've got problems.
Every time I go to bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink.
'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it,' said Bubba.
Six months later, the doctor met Bubba on the street.
'Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you were having?' asked the psychiatrist.
'Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!
A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money,
'Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'"
link
Every time I go to bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink.
'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it,' said Bubba.
Six months later, the doctor met Bubba on the street.
'Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you were having?' asked the psychiatrist.
'Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!
A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money,
I went and bought me a new pickup!'
'Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'"
link
+%5B640x480%5D.jpg)
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
'Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.'
(Del,6)
'Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers.
You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love.'
(Alonzo, 9)
'One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat.
French fries usually works for me.'
(Bart, 9)"
link
.jpg)
Monday, August 25, 2008
New iPhone Comes Loaded with Photos of the Girl Who Made It
"We've seen pictures from the factory coming loaded on new iPhones before, but this is the first time we've seen what appear to be intentional snapshots loaded on a new iPhone. Surprise: the person who put your iPhone together is a cute girl!"
link
Cuban bikers
"Each year Cuba's Harley Davidson Club joins forces with the Classic British Motorcycle Club to celebrate their shared fascination with all things two-wheeled."
link
Sunday, August 24, 2008
More Storks that People In Croatia’s Cigoc
Although storks recently started on a world tour of 10,000 kilometres into warmed climates, some remained in the Croatian village of Cigoc that is located in the Lonjsko polje Nature Park. The park boasts of the largest number of birds in Croatia.
link for the full story
Modern Times
"The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date
with this see-through blouse on and no bra.
Her grandmother just has a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that.
The teenager tells her 'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times.
You gotta let your rosebuds show!' and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes downstairs,
and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over
and that it is just not appropriate.
'Loosen up, sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets.'"
link
with this see-through blouse on and no bra.
Her grandmother just has a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that.
The teenager tells her 'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times.
You gotta let your rosebuds show!' and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes downstairs,
and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over
and that it is just not appropriate.
'Loosen up, sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets.'"
link
Saturday, August 23, 2008
The Amish Elevator
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is'.
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father said quietly to his son.....'Go get your mother.'"
link
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is'.
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father said quietly to his son.....'Go get your mother.'"
link
This book doesn't work
"This book doesn't work. I've tried the 'praying' method to get a new Porsche 996 delivered but to no avail. There's nothing in the instructions about not wanting German sports cars but I tried praying for less ambitious things. I gave up when it didn't even get me a Big Mac. In the early part there's a bit about people crossing the desert and being sustained by manna from heaven, so you'd think that it would be able to manage at least a hamburger.
I'm disappointed and will contact the publisher.
In the meantime I can't recommend this book as it is clearly faulty."
link
I'm disappointed and will contact the publisher.
In the meantime I can't recommend this book as it is clearly faulty."
link
Dog protected abandoned newborn
"A dog sheltered a newborn baby abandoned by its 14-year-old mother in a field in rural Argentina until the boy was rescued, a doctor said Friday.
The abandoned infant was found in a field with this dog and her newborn puppies.
A resident of a rural area outside La Plata called police late Wednesday night to say that he had heard the baby crying in a field behind his house.
The man went outside and found the infant lying beside the dog and its six newborn puppies, Daniel Salcedo, chief of police of the Province of Buenos Aires, told CNN.
The temperature was a chilly 37 degrees, Salcedo said.
The dog had apparently carried the baby some 50 meters from where his mother had abandoned him to where the puppies were huddled, police said.
'She took it like a puppy and rescued it,' Salcedo said. 'The doctors told us if she hadn't done this, he would have died.'
'The dog is a hero to us.'"
link for the full story
Friday, August 22, 2008
One Night of Passion
"An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.
Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
'Damn', says the ant, 'one night of passion
and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!'"
link
Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
'Damn', says the ant, 'one night of passion
and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!'"
link
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)