link
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Annoying Kitty
Hey big guy!
Can I ask you something ?
Can I go to the other side ?
Oops ,wait
It's much better here.
link
Meet the Mini Pigs !!!
"Chris Murray needed 9 years and 24 generations to develop a breeding programme that resulted in the minitature pigs you’ll see below.The smallest pigs the farmer created are the ones below, that are no bigger than your standard tea cup. The pennywell miniature pig is a variant of a rare breed of pig from New Zealand and make excellent pets."
read the full story
link
Friday, May 30, 2008
Handy Latin Phrases
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It's not the heat, it's the humidity.
Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!
Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?
Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.
Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.
Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.
Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
(At a barbeque)
Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri?
Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?"
link
ps. si post fata venit gloria non propero
If glory comes after death, I'm not in a hurry
It's not the heat, it's the humidity.
Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!
Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?
Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.
Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.
Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.
Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
(At a barbeque)
Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri?
Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?"
link
ps. si post fata venit gloria non propero
If glory comes after death, I'm not in a hurry
Fighting Heat in Fountain in Zrinjevac- Zagreb
"The cold fountain water has drawn many who wanted to find refreshment, and soon the fountain was full of young people, playfully splashing each other.
link
Food That Can Kill Your Pet
Combining the food habits of a human with a pet’s can be extremely dangerous for your pet.
It can lead to various illnesses or even death".
read the full story
link
Marriage Humor
"Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license."
A very desperate marriage
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June."
"Yes, this is June."
"Will you marry me?"
"Of course I will! Who's this?"
Finding perfect men
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
Thursday, May 29, 2008
.jpg)
Sixth Sense
"A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers, which she ended by saying “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa.” Father said, “Why did you say good-bye grandpa?” The little girl said, “I don’t know, daddy. It just seemed like the thing to do.” The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later, the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: “God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma.” The next day the grandmother died. My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say “God bless mommy and good-bye daddy.” He practically went into shock. Couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived. He breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home, his wife said, “I’ve never seen you work so late. What’s the matter?” He said, “I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”
She said, “You think you had a bad day. You’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch.”"
link
Einstein’s chauffeur
"When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks and manner) that he was tired of making speeches.
“I have and idea, boss,” his chauffeur said. “I’ve heard you
give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.”
Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool.
Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”"
link
“I have and idea, boss,” his chauffeur said. “I’ve heard you
give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.”
Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool.
Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”"
link
'Horror frog' breaks own bones to produce claws
"'Amphibian horror' isn't a movie genre, but on this evidence perhaps it should be. Harvard biologists have described a bizarre, hairy frog with cat-like extendable claws.
Trichobatrachus robustus actively breaks its own bones to produce claws that puncture their way out of the frog's toe pads, probably when it is threatened."
link
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Satanic Starbucks
"A man died and went to straight down to hell.
The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place.
He told the man that there were three rooms he could choose from in which to spend eternity.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe.
He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room.
So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured.
It looked so painful the man could not watch.
He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing.
The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat.
He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice.
After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, 'Break time is over! Time for another 10,000 push-ups!'"
link
Molly, The Horse that Could
"She is Molly. The young pony was abandoned by her owners when Katrina hit Southern Louisiana. After spending several weeks wondering, she was found and taken to an animal shelter. While there, she was attacked by a pit bull, her front leg becoming infected and needing amputation."
link
British pet is 'oldest dog in the world
"The owners of Bella say that she is at least 29 years old.
Owner David Richardson, 76, said he got the mixed breed dog from an animal home about 26 years ago when she was at least three years old, making Bella’s age more than 200 in canine years."
link
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Answer Machine Messages
"Hi. This is John.
If you’re the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you’re my parents, please send me money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money.
If you are a friend, you owe me money.
If you are a female, I have plenty of money.
Leave your message after the beep.
Hi. I’m not home right now, but my answering machine is. So you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
Hello, I’m David’s answering machine. What are you?
Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these little magnets.
Hello, this is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with a tape deck, so I’m stuck with taking her calls. Say... if you want anything cooked while you’re leaving your message, just hold it up to the phone."
link
If you’re the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you’re my parents, please send me money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money.
If you are a friend, you owe me money.
If you are a female, I have plenty of money.
Leave your message after the beep.
Hi. I’m not home right now, but my answering machine is. So you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
Hello, I’m David’s answering machine. What are you?
Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these little magnets.
Hello, this is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with a tape deck, so I’m stuck with taking her calls. Say... if you want anything cooked while you’re leaving your message, just hold it up to the phone."
link
Belief in the Afterlife
"A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact shortly afterwards:
'Mary. Mary.'
'Is that you, Fred?'
'Yes, I've come back like we agreed.'
'What's it like?'
'Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice.'
'I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon.'
'After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.'
'Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.'
'No Not exactly,............................I'm a rabbit living in Suffolk!'"
link
Serious Music for Serious Guys!
The greatest womaniser
of the listed
is George Clooney who is also a lover of “serious music”. Okay, unserious “serious music” to be exact. But really, his contribution to revealing the roots of American music is immeasurable – or have you forgotten “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” and the phenomenal soundtrack that was bought by millions of Americans? Do we need to mention Ocean’s 11, 12 and 13 in which you will find some of the best “crooner” music of today? After you listen to those albums, nothing stops you from going a step further and revealing where that music comes from, and then you will be awaited by a world of jazz, blues and funk
Jazz, classic and similar music is the hidden love of some of the coolest guys you know. You do not believe ? See for yourself!
link
Cancer -Sniffing Dog to Be Cloned
"A Japanese center which says it has trained a dog to sniff out human cancer cells is cloning the animal in South Korea, a Seoul-based biotechnology company and the dog's owner said Wednesday.
Cloned fetuses from the black labrador retriever named Marine were last month implanted into a surrogate mother dog, said Ra Jeong-Chan, president of RNL Bio.
'We are going to see the clones around the end of this month,' Ra said."
link for the full story
Monday, May 26, 2008
Phoenix Spacecraft Reports Good Health After Mars Landing
"A NASA spacecraft has sent pictures showing itself in good condition after making the first successful landing in a polar region of Mars."link
Dear Abby..
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, 'Just some friends from work, you don't know them.'
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be
leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Thanks,
Bob"
link
The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, 'Just some friends from work, you don't know them.'
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be
leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Thanks,
Bob"
link
Top Ten Things Overheard in Line to See the New Indiana Jones Movie
'Indy's so old in this one, his whip needs Cialis'
'185 million dollar budget -- there better be some damn monkeys'
'Dude, why the hell are you dressed as Spock?'
'I can't wait for the next one in 2027'
'Is this the movie about those four women who go slutting around New York City?'
'If Indiana Jones wants to defeat evil, he should go after the oil companies -- zing!'
'Yes, Harrison, you're eligible for the senior citizen discount'
No number 3 -- writer waiting in line to see new Indiana Jones movie
'If I want to see an old guy running around, I'll go to a McCain rally'
'Shouldn't you be at the White House, Mr. President?'"
link
'185 million dollar budget -- there better be some damn monkeys'
'Dude, why the hell are you dressed as Spock?'
'I can't wait for the next one in 2027'
'Is this the movie about those four women who go slutting around New York City?'
'If Indiana Jones wants to defeat evil, he should go after the oil companies -- zing!'
'Yes, Harrison, you're eligible for the senior citizen discount'
No number 3 -- writer waiting in line to see new Indiana Jones movie
'If I want to see an old guy running around, I'll go to a McCain rally'
'Shouldn't you be at the White House, Mr. President?'"
link
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Tennis Ball
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball. Seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. 'What's that?' she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
'Tennis ball,' came the breathless reply.
'Oh,' said the girl sympathetically, 'that must be painful. I had tennis elbow once.'"
link
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. 'What's that?' she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
'Tennis ball,' came the breathless reply.
'Oh,' said the girl sympathetically, 'that must be painful. I had tennis elbow once.'"
link
Chocolate Life
I am a serious chocoholic. For the serious chocoholic, chocolate is better than sex.
If you believe that, you REALLY need to meet that special someone who can change your mind. If you HAVE met that special someone and still believe that,
I REALLY NEED to know where you get your chocolate!!!
Author Unknown
Friday, May 23, 2008
Yosuke the escapee parrot knew his name and address
"Japanese police were at a loss for clues after they found an escaped African Grey parrot sitting on a fence.
Until, that is, the bird began to talk - and told everyone its name and address.
The red-tailed parrot was picked up earlier this month in the town of Nagareyama, on the outskirts of Tokyo, after a woman called police to say that it was perched in her backyard.
After a night at the station, where it kept quiet, the parrot was handed over to a local animal clinic, where it soon started greeting people and singing popular children's songs.
Shinjiro Uemura, a local policeman, said that it was not until ten days later that it started repeating its name - 'I'm Yosuke Nakamura' - and its full home address down to the street number.
“We checked the address, and what do you know, a Nakamura family really lived there. So we told them we’ve found Yosuke,” Mr Uemura said.
The African Grey parrot is considered one of the most intelligent birds and experts say it has the cognitive ability of a six-year-old. The Nakamura family told police they had been teaching the bird its name and address for about two years.
It is still unclear why Yosuke refused to sing at the police station. “I tried to be friendly and talked to him, but he completely ignored me,” Mr Uemura said."
link
Golf and Cows...
"A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose.
The doctor asks him what happened.
'Well,' says the man, 'I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball.'
'And?' asked the doctor.
'Well,' the man said, 'that's when I lifted the cow's tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey - this one here looks like yours!''"
link
The doctor asks him what happened.
'Well,' says the man, 'I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball.'
'And?' asked the doctor.
'Well,' the man said, 'that's when I lifted the cow's tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey - this one here looks like yours!''"
link
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)