"Q: What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a calendar?
Friday, February 29, 2008
Think about it
"An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times.
The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter.
The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space.
The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols.
The mystic chose the thermos bottle.
'Why a thermos bottle?' the others asked.
'Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer.'
'Yes -- so what?'
'Think about it.' said the mystic reverently. That little bottle -- how does it know?'"
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The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter.
The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space.
The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols.
The mystic chose the thermos bottle.
'Why a thermos bottle?' the others asked.
'Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer.'
'Yes -- so what?'
'Think about it.' said the mystic reverently. That little bottle -- how does it know?'"
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Why continue?
Because we must. Because we have the call. Because it is nobler to fight for rationality without winning than to give up in the face of continued defeats. Because whatever true progress humanity makes is through the rationality of the occasional individual and because any one individual we may win for the cause may do more for humanity than a hundred thousand who hug their superstitions to their breast.
Isaac Asimov
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Thursday, February 28, 2008
Stairlift to Heaven for Henry the Dog
Hitching a ride on a stair-lift might look lazy - but for Henry the bulldog, it's an essential means of transport.
The creature has such short, stumpy legs, that he is unable to negotiate the stairs at his home in Germany, near Hamburg.
When owners Henry Conny and Bernhard Schrader brought Henry to their farm as a puppy, it was easy enough to carry him up and down the stairs.
But now he's an adult, Henry is simply too heavy to hoist - leaving them with a dilemma.
But the pair, who breed horses, came up with a solution when they improvised a lift to transport Henry up the stairs.
Now all Henry needs to do is learn how to push a button to start the mechanism and he can glide up and down the stairs to his heart's content."
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"Doing it"
Father and son were walking hand in hand when they saw two dogs "doing it" in the middle of the street. The dad got all flustered and told his son that the big brown dog hurt his paw, and the little white dog was helping him across the street. The boy thought a minute, then looked up and said, "Isn't that just like life? You try to help someone and get screwed!"
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Why Choose a Yorkshire Terrier?
Many people want a Yorkshire Terrier because they think carrying their dog everywhere they go would be fun.Talk to people who have Yorkies and ask
them how much time and energy they put into caring for their dogs.Ask how much they spend every year on grooming,bedding,veterinary care,and high-quality dog food.A dog is not likea piece of furniture sitting in the corner that you can ignore or forget about.
Owning this breedmay involve rearranging your schedule and devoting special time just for your dog. Can you
protect him from larger dogs,or from careless children who may drop or step on him ?
Are you willing to spend at least ten minutes every day combing and brushing him, another
20 minutes taking him for a walk ?If you can do all these things ,then the Yorkshire Terrier
may be the right breed for you.You'll be rewarded by having an intelligent,independent yet loving dog greet you every morning and snuggle against you every evening.
Source:"Your Yorkshire Terrier's Life" by E.W.Gewirtz
Depression drugs 'little better than placebos"
The Australian Medical Association has questioned the research methods of the UK study which claimed best-selling anti-depressants were barely more effective than sugar pills. Association spokesman Dr Choong-Siew Yong, a Sydney psychiatrist, said anti-depressants were life-saving for depressed people and it was essential for patients to speak to their doctor if they felt their treatment was ineffective. Dr Yoong said the study could not be relied because they represented the average results from from scores of separate studies with different drugs.
“That is not to say the evidence is wrong. It‘s a study that’s important for professionals, but I don’t think any reasonable psychiatrist, and I can safely speak for my colleagues, would advise people to stop taking their medications,” Dr Yoong said.
“That is not to say the evidence is wrong. It‘s a study that’s important for professionals, but I don’t think any reasonable psychiatrist, and I can safely speak for my colleagues, would advise people to stop taking their medications,” Dr Yoong said.
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First-Aid Course
"A blonde goes into work and she's 1 hour late.
'How come you're late?' asked her boss.
'It was awful!' she explained.
'I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course!'
'What did you do?' asked her boss.
'Well, remembering what my instructor said, I went right into action. I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!'"
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'How come you're late?' asked her boss.
'It was awful!' she explained.
'I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course!'
'What did you do?' asked her boss.
'Well, remembering what my instructor said, I went right into action. I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!'"
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How Was I ?
"Harry met Sandy at a nightclub one evening, and she finally invited him back to her apartment to spend the night. Her roommate was out of town, so this was the perfect opportunity.
The couple went back to her house, and after a few minutes the pair proceeded into Sandy's bedroom. When Harry walked through the door he immediately noticed all of these stuffed animals.
There were hundreds of them - stuffed toys on top of the wardrobe, stuffed toys on the bookshelf and stuffed toys on the window sill. There were more on the floor, and of course, stuffed toys all over the bed.
They cleared off the bed, jumped in, and went at it. Later, after the sex, Harry turned to Sandy and asked, 'Well ... How was I?'
Sandy replied, 'Well, you can pick anything from the bottom shelf.'"
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The couple went back to her house, and after a few minutes the pair proceeded into Sandy's bedroom. When Harry walked through the door he immediately noticed all of these stuffed animals.
There were hundreds of them - stuffed toys on top of the wardrobe, stuffed toys on the bookshelf and stuffed toys on the window sill. There were more on the floor, and of course, stuffed toys all over the bed.
They cleared off the bed, jumped in, and went at it. Later, after the sex, Harry turned to Sandy and asked, 'Well ... How was I?'
Sandy replied, 'Well, you can pick anything from the bottom shelf.'"
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Croatian Herding Dog From Posavina
Although Croatia’s herding dog from Posavina has similar origins to all other central-European herding dogs, it has developed further along through selection processes, getting its name from the Croatian region were it originates from. This breed developed and spread, although not along the Sava River, as the Slovenes had contended at one time. According to their theory, the Posavski herding dog is a Slovenian indigenous breed, originating around the mouth of the Sava River in Slovenia, although they were soon to drop this line of argument - the first written references to this breed of dog can be found in the archives of the Croatia’s Djakovo Archdiocese, dating from 1737. Since then they have been distinguished by their hunting skills, and highly developed instincts for marking out - pointing out game (a dog which smells out game and then points until the hunter is ready to fire). Hungarians have used this breed as the corner stone in their crossbreeding efforts with their own wire-haired Viszla."
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Tuesday, February 26, 2008
BMW
"They told me 'it flies', but I didn't believe them!"
"A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along
and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived
at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage
to his precious BMW.
'Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!', he whined.
'You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!', retorted
the officer. 'You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you
didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!'
'Oh my gaaawd...,' replied the yuppie, finally noticing the bloody
left shoulder where his arm once was, 'Where's my Rolex?!!!!!'"
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and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived
at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage
to his precious BMW.
'Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!', he whined.
'You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!', retorted
the officer. 'You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you
didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!'
'Oh my gaaawd...,' replied the yuppie, finally noticing the bloody
left shoulder where his arm once was, 'Where's my Rolex?!!!!!'"
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New medication
"Have you heard about the new medication that both an aphrodisiac and laxative?
It's called 'Easy Come, Easy Go'."
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It's called 'Easy Come, Easy Go'."
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Don't be on this flight
"'This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
'If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
'If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
'If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
'That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!'
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'If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
'If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
'If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
'That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!'
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Monday, February 25, 2008
Protecting the Law's Paws
"Germany is the country which gave the world Birkenstocks, the ultimate in comfort over fashion footwear. So it should surprise no one that the recent decision to shod police dogs was done for practical reasons only."
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Q & A
Q. What do you get when you ask a politician to tell
"the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth"?
A. Three different answers.
The Oscars
The Coen brothers have taken an absolute victory at this year’s Oscars –No Country for Old Men takes four golden statues!
Whether you agree with the academy or not, Ethan and Joel Coen are the absolute winners of this year’s Oscars.
We must not forget Havier Bardemm who won an Oscar for best supporting actor in the same film. This means that the Coen brothers really took all of the Oscars that they were nominated for!
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Sunday, February 24, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Eduardo da Silva sustained a serious leg injury
"Arsenal striker Eduardo da Silva sustained a serious leg injury in the Premier League match against Birmingham City on Saturday.
The match was stopped for nearly eight minutes as the Brazilian-born Croatia international was treated on the field before finally being carried off on a stretcher.
Birmingham City defender Martin Taylor was given a straight red card for his challenge on Eduardo in the third minute.
Arsenal's players wandered around the pitch looking distraught and Sky television said they would not replay the incident because the pictures were too horrific.
Eduardo was taken straight to hospital and medical staff at the ground were also reported to be shocked at the seriousness of the injury.
No official comment on his condition was immediately available but the BBC said on their Web site (bbc.co.uk) that he had broken his left leg."
Bilić:
The match was stopped for nearly eight minutes as the Brazilian-born Croatia international was treated on the field before finally being carried off on a stretcher.
Birmingham City defender Martin Taylor was given a straight red card for his challenge on Eduardo in the third minute.
Arsenal's players wandered around the pitch looking distraught and Sky television said they would not replay the incident because the pictures were too horrific.
Eduardo was taken straight to hospital and medical staff at the ground were also reported to be shocked at the seriousness of the injury.
No official comment on his condition was immediately available but the BBC said on their Web site (bbc.co.uk) that he had broken his left leg."
Bilić:
What to Say to Eduardo Besides I Love Him
Dudu will return, I am certain of it. I really have nothing else to say at this moment, besides I love him, said Croatia’s coach.
Arsene Wenger insisted Martin Taylor should never be allowed to play football again after the Birmingham defender's foul left Eduardo with an horrific leg injury.
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Dudu will return, I am certain of it. I really have nothing else to say at this moment, besides I love him, said Croatia’s coach.
Arsene Wenger insisted Martin Taylor should never be allowed to play football again after the Birmingham defender's foul left Eduardo with an horrific leg injury.
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SHAME ON YOU - Martin Taylor-SHAME ON YOU
Parrot Prostitues
"A woman went to her priest with a problem. 'Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?''
'That's terrible!' exclaimed the priest. 'But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.'
The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?'
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed 'Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!'"
'That's terrible!' exclaimed the priest. 'But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.'
The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?'
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed 'Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!'"
A Touching Story of Love and Marriage
"An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort inched himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he moved himself toward the table. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was almost already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand, shakily made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
'Stay out of those,' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'"
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he moved himself toward the table. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was almost already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand, shakily made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
'Stay out of those,' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'"
Friday, February 22, 2008
Married Men
"A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, ’What are these, Dad?’
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, ’Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex.’
’Oh I see,’ replied the boys pensively. ’Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.’ He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, ’Why are there 3 in this package.’
The dad replies, ’Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.’
’Cool!’ says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, ’Then who are these for?’ ’Those are for college men.’ the dad answers, ’TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.’
’WOW!’ exclaimed the boy, ’then who uses THESE?’ he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, ’Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........’"
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To which the man matter-of-factly replies, ’Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex.’
’Oh I see,’ replied the boys pensively. ’Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.’ He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, ’Why are there 3 in this package.’
The dad replies, ’Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.’
’Cool!’ says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, ’Then who are these for?’ ’Those are for college men.’ the dad answers, ’TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.’
’WOW!’ exclaimed the boy, ’then who uses THESE?’ he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, ’Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........’"
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Istrian Herding dog -short haired
ISTRIAN HERDING DOG (SHORT HAIRED)
Companion to the Benedictines
This is a very ancient breed of dog, and is most certainly a decedent of the long legged Ancient Egyptian herding dog. In on the first Croatian books written in old glagolic script, 'Hrvoje’s missal', their is an illustration drawn in miniature, and judging from it features it is the Istrian short-hair herding dog. It is a well known and well documented fact which can be confirmed in numerous historical records, that this herding dog was bred in many of the Benedictine monasteries in the Istria region. The Istrian herding dog has a number of features which are very similar to a Porcelain herding dog from France, who was also bred by Benedictine monks."
Companion to the Benedictines
This is a very ancient breed of dog, and is most certainly a decedent of the long legged Ancient Egyptian herding dog. In on the first Croatian books written in old glagolic script, 'Hrvoje’s missal', their is an illustration drawn in miniature, and judging from it features it is the Istrian short-hair herding dog. It is a well known and well documented fact which can be confirmed in numerous historical records, that this herding dog was bred in many of the Benedictine monasteries in the Istria region. The Istrian herding dog has a number of features which are very similar to a Porcelain herding dog from France, who was also bred by Benedictine monks."
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Lunar Eclipse Above Zagreb
A total lunar eclipse occurred on a Thursday morning, February 21, 2008 (in Europe and Africa; Wednesday evening, February 20 for the Americas). It was the first of the two predicted lunar eclipses in 2008, and the only total eclipse of the two. The next total lunar eclipse occurs December 21, 2010link
If Yoda was Forrest Gump
"If Yoda was Forrest Gump or Forrest Gump was Yoda: 'There is a dark chocolate, and a light chocolate...'"
Yoda Humor
Top Ten Yoda Thoughts
10. I should make my own line of ear muffs.
9. Maybe I should get some platforms.
8. I wonder why TY didn't make a Beanie Babie out of me.
7. Miss Piggy, her voice is so familiar...
6. Why didn't I get a lightsaber? I can handle it!
5. I wish I was tall enough to get into R-rated movies.
4. Stupid Weird Al. I didn't get one cent from his parody of me!
3. I'm cuter than ET! Aren't I? Come on!
2. Dang Luke Skywalker. Takes all the credit just because he's younger.
1. That Posh Spice is one hot babe!"
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Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Little Johnny
Teacher:
" How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day? "
Little Johnny:
" I get up early."
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The Croatian Sheepdog
MiškaThe Croatian Sheepdog is a native Croatian breed and is descended from dogs which the Croats brought with them from their original native land into the region they occupy today, and which has been continually bred in Croatia, mostly in the fertile plains of Slavonia, since their arrival.
The Croatian Sheepdog is an alert, agile, keen and intelligent dog with enormous energy and with a strong need for human companionship. It is healthy, resistant to disease and not expensive to keep. It possesses a well developed herding instinct and is an excellent watchdog."
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Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Your name never came up
"A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the
mirror. He asks, 'What are you doing?'
She replies, 'I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts
of a 25 year old.'
The husband retorts, 'Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?'
She replies, 'Frankly dear, your name never came up.'"
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mirror. He asks, 'What are you doing?'
She replies, 'I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts
of a 25 year old.'
The husband retorts, 'Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?'
She replies, 'Frankly dear, your name never came up.'"
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