Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year !


An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.
A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Bill Vaughan


Wish you all a Happy New Year !
Svima sretna 2008 !
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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Hammy New Year

Teddy Bear Hamster, named Hammy Houdini, poses for holiday shot.
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New Year Resolutions for Pets

15. I will not eat other animals' poop.

14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me!

6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.

5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND"
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New Year cartoon


Funny New Year Quotes

J. O'Rourke
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

Jay Leno
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution.

James Agate
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

Eric Zorn
Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle."
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Saturday, December 29, 2007

Snowman Street

New Year's Resolutions - Simpsons Style


"Homer: 'I resolve to lose 10 pounds, and then gain it back by Valentine’s Day.'


Marge: 'I resolve to finally learn how to make pancakes that don’t stick to the pan.

Bart helped me come up with that one.'"
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My New Year's Resolutions :




1. Paint more.

2. Bake more cakes.



3. Teach my dogs new tricks.



4. Keep my video store alive.



5. Sleep more.



What is your new year's resolution ?

New Year's Resolution Cartoons




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Friday, December 28, 2007

Ah ! Men

Good View

we have a very interesting neighborhood
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Missing Cat

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Need

If I dont go to the bathroom right now I’m gonna die .

Short Bathroom Jokes

"Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, 'You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!'

The other woman turned to her and said, 'I know! I heard it snoring!'



What's dumb?
Directions on toilet paper.

What's dumber than that?
Reading them.

Even dumber?
Reading them and learning something.

Dumbest of all?
Reading them and having to correct something you've been doing wrong."
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Dog waiting at the door

How long a minute is depends on what side of the door you're on.
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Thursday, December 27, 2007

President Simpsons


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The Simpsons Quotes


"Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal."
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Obedience Schools Cartoons




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Marriage

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
-David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
-Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
-Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Anonymous

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
-Henny Youngman

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
-Sam Kinison

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
-James Holt McGavran

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.
-Patrick! Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
-Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
-Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
-Anonymous

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Cheers !

Cheers !
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I have respect for beer.


Hands Up !


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What can I get for a rib ?

"God creates Adam, and soon Adam is complaining that he's all alone in
the Garden of Eden.

So God says, 'Okay, I'll make you a companion, a beautiful creature
who'll cook and clean for you. It will be able to converse
intelligently on any subject, and never ever complain or argue.'

Adam says, 'That sounds great.'

God says, 'The only thing is, it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

Adam says, 'Damn, that's expensive. What can I get for a rib?'"
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Drunk Reindeer

video

Dead Reindeer


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Truth

"Q. What do you get when you ask a politician to tell 'the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'?
A. Three different answers."
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Saturday, December 22, 2007

Biker Santa

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

I told you....



Early Christmas Shopping


It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant. “That's no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened,” replied the prisoner.

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Christmas Present Attachments

A Vancouver mother took her young son to the Hudson Bay department store to meet Santa Claus.“What would you like for Christmas, young man?” asked the jolly Santa.“A new computer, an Ipod and a Game Boy,” replied the boy.“I'll do my best to see that you’re lucky,” said Santa.Later that day the mother took the boy to Eaton's department store and once again they visited Santa's display.“What would you like for Christmas, young man?” asked the Santa.“A new computer, an Ipod and a Game Boy,” replied the boy.“And are you going to be a good boy and help your mother?” asked Santa.The boy turned to his mother and said, “Let's go back to Hudson Bay. I didn't have to make any promises there.”
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Global Warming



Blonde Christmas Tree

Two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree. After hours of sub zero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde finally turned to the other and said, “I've had it. I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!”
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Friday, December 21, 2007

Christmas Puppy


Magic Mirror Cartoons


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Mirror, Mirror

"Mirror, mirror on the wall
Do you have to tell it all?
Where do you get the glaring right
To make my clothes look too darn tight?
I think I'm fine but I can see
You won't cooperate with me,
The way you let the shadows play
You'd think my hair was getting gray.
What's that, you say? A double chin?
No, that's the way the light comes in,
If you persist in peering so
You'll confiscate my facial glow,
And then if you're not hanging straight
You'll tell me next I'm gaining weight,
I'm really quite upset with you
For giving this distorted view;
I hate you being smug and wise
O, look what's happened to my thighs!
I warn you now, O mirrored wall,
Since we're not on speaking terms at all,
If I look like this in my new jeans
You'll find yourself in smithereens!!"
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Mirror, Mirror, who is the prettiest dog on earth ?


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Mirror - quotes

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Rodney Dangerfield


"Looking at yourself in a mirror isn't exactly a study of life.

Lauren Bacall"
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Modern Art


"Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned
to an attendant standing nearby.
'This,' she said, 'I suppose, is one of those
hideous representations you call modern art?'
'No, madam,' replied the attendant. 'That one's called a mirror.'"
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Thursday, December 20, 2007

Christmas Kittens


Blonde joke

"Q: How do you get a Blonde to Marry you?
A: Tell her she's Pregnant."
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Chewbacca - Christmas


Deal with it

"Men are from earth.
Women are from earth.

Deal with it."
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Pole Dance Cat

for more dancing animals
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Guidelines for Cats

Humans:
Humans have three primary functions: to feed us, to play with and give attention to us, and to clean the litter box. It is important to maintain one's Dignity when around humans so that they will not forget who is the master of the house. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent."
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Kittens


for more
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Cats feel

Cats know how we feel.
They don't give a damn, but they know"
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Mr. Picassohead

drawing - like Picasso
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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Are You Still There?



I am glad to see you!


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Christmas Letter

"A little boy wanted a new bike for Christmas. His mother told him they did not have any money for a bike. But she told him if he would tell Jesus what a good boy he would be maybe Jesus would allow him to have one. The little boy sat down to write Jesus a letter.

As he began the letter...'Dear Jesus I will be good for one year...' He scribbled that out and wrote, 'Dear Jesus I will be good for one month...' Then he scribbled that out and wrote, 'Dear Jesus I will be good for one whole week....' In his disgust he tore up the paper and went for a walk.

As he walked he passed by the local church were there was a Nativity scene. He began to run as fast as he could and, when he past by the figure of Mary, grabbed her up and ran home.

He ran in the front door and to his room. There he began a new letter that started...'Dear Jesus if you ever want to see your mother again...'"
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"Seven Blunders of the World"



1. Wealth without work

2. Pleasure without conscience

3. Knowledge without character

4. Commerce without morality

5. Science without humanity

6. Worship without sacrifice

7. Politics without principle


—Mahatma Gandhi"
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Surrogate Mother


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Hard to Find

With the Christmas shopping season kicked off, millions will crowd the malls in search of that hard-to-find treasure ...
Customer Service."
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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Happy Santa


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Christmas Cake



Christmas Cake Recipe

You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.

Sample the whisky to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed."
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Funny Christmas Cartoons





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